Five

Alex, it seems impossible that five is upon us.  This is the first time that your birthday landed on a Sunday, just like it did five years ago.  Yesterday, we reminisced about a wonderful dinner with friends where a rowdy game of charades no doubt set me into labor and my water breaking later that night.  We remembered the big event at Dad’s church, the new sanctuary’s re-dedication, which ended up taking place without us…the new intern’s first day, forced to read Daddy’s sermon from the pulpit while also introducing himself for the first time.

Your birth was set in motion suddenly, unexpectedly, early….and 12 hours later, successful epidural in place, out you came, Mr. Azy, Alexander Zachary, firstborn munchkin, to the strains of “Stuck in a Moment” by U2.

Alex, you made me a mom.  I didn’t FEEL like a mom at first.  I know many that immediately experience this deep connection and get “it” right away.  I think I was still reeling from the fact that my water broke so unexpectedly and that I was still supposed to have a week before you came.

These days pass so quickly.  I have many nights where I savor bedtime, reading chapters from the Little House books.  Afternoons helping you craft some concoction from the many cardboard boxes and recycled materials you save.  Meal preparations with you by my side, wildly wielding knives, putting together platters.  Surprise parties you create with goodie bags and treats.  Conversations in the car about friends, school, the solar system, being a big brother, tips you learned on PBS Kids from Wild Kratts.  You are creative, you have a passion for learning and you care deeply about people and your friends, Alex.

Last year I shared about you turning four.  I had visions of what the “Year of Four” would hold.  The lessons to be learned.  The adventures to be had.  The conversations to unfold.  And all of those and many many more did, indeed happen.

Most, of all, though, it has been a hard, slog of grace-learning.  I would never want you to read this down the road, Alex, and think I didn’t love being a parent.  I so DO.  But being a mom is not easy.  Parenthood, more than any other endeavor, has challenged me to learn and practice humility.  And frankly, I’m pretty horrible at it.  I like time alone (yes, even ME, your extroverted chatty mom).  I thrive on a neat and tidy house that is picked up and organized.  I love having a predictable schedule.  Parenthood just doesn’t allow for much of any of those things.  But the other benefits so outweigh the challenges.  The one liners you throw out, Alex.  Watching you sing at your school performance or in church.  Crossing the street with you holding my hand.  Hearing you say that I need to love God more than I love you (as I’m bemoaning how QUICKLY YOUR ARE GROWING UP and MOVING AWAY FROM HOME and LEAVING ME!).

This week, I read a Facebook post from Anne Lamott.  She wrote:

“We are all pretty much in the same boat–

so ruined, and so loved–

much more alike than different.

Made of the same stuff as the holy spirit,

for the same purpose, to love, comfort, lift up.”

I needed to hear that truth this week.  To remember that we are ALL so ruined.  But we are also SO loved.  Our purpose is to love.  To comfort.  To lift each other up.  In my mind, when the unkept house or the explosion of Legos or bursting calendar seems to take over, I want to remember…..we are so loved and we are called to love.

So, Alex, as you enter into so many changes this year {kindergarten orientation last Friday was a quick reminder!}, know that even in the moments when you mess up, despite the times we are going head to head in verbal combat, in the midst of the disasters and tears and hard times…..you are loved.  And in turn, may year five be filled with chances to turn that back out towards others, to live into your purpose to love, comfort and lift others up.

In every moment, may you see life as an adventure, Al-Bug.  Be prepared, but once your supplies are packed and your head light on, let go, enjoy the ride and savor the community that surrounds you.  We love you so much, Alex.  Here’s a little video Dad made for you!

For lots of fun pics from birth to four and the long-winded story of Alex’s arrival, go to last year’s post here.

Kicking Back

I love birthdays.  I love celebrating and making the day special.  Not extravagant, but special.  I usually count down and get so excited as my birthday starts coming up on the horizon, but this year, between teaching and parenting it kind of snuck up on me.

Husband extraordinaire planned a wonderful weekend, as usual.  It is rather tricky to “kick back” with two busy boys, but we still had a great time.  Breakfast antics at home….

Time at  Codornices Park, chasing children while trying to grab a bite of yummy picnic fair and catch up with friends…

Manicure, pedicure and iced tea with my step mother in law took place in the afternoon without children!

And then Matt and I got to go out to dinner and even sit at the chef’s table at Wood Tavern in Oakland.  The chef’s table allows you to peer over and watch the chef cook amazing dishes, with great skill and unbelievable calm.  A true multitasking feat.

We spent today at  Picchetti Winery, again, chasing children while picnicking….

Managed to corral the boys long enough for a picture and some great hiking, seeing snakes, butterflies, lizards and…..according to Alex…..a mountain lion that jumped in a ditch when it saw us…..hmmmm….

(SNAKE!) 

As I wrote on Facebook today, “Claiming the ‘normalcy’ of today….Motherhood….Drew drawing on furniture with pens, taking everything out of every drawer when my back is turned cleaning up his last mess. Trying to restore order and cleanliness to one small corner of one spot in the house. White noise machine set to “aviary” on the loudest setting possible by Alex to help accompany my sorting. Grateful in the midst of it all—the screaming, mess & mayhem—because I know so many who long for this gift of motherhood and don’t have it yet.”

Everyday is similar when life spirals and centers around young children, even the “special”, high expectation-filled days, like birthdays and Mother’s Day.  We often hope for and dream of a perfect 24 hours in time.  Filled with child bliss, breakfast in bed, spa treatments and spring elegance.  And indeed, while some of those happened, nothing is ever as we quite envision or imagine.  I am finding that asking for what I want (scaled down, husband-created plans, red saltwater sandals, dinner out, a hike) is key.  Not demanding, but not sulking either. Savoring the madness, knowing there will be a day, not THAT far off, when I might not even be able to spend it with both boys, if they’re off to college or other pursuits.  Remembering through this all that many of my friends LONG for these moments of insanity, yet instead, struggle with infertility or haven’t found a life partner yet.

So, I find myself putting on my party shoes, kicking back when/if possible, soaking it in and rolling with the moment.  I am thankful for the love and thoughtful messages of so many, the rose and note from a student, my husband who truly is the best companion for each adventure and the promise of a fun week ahead celebrating my Mom’s birthday and Alex’s.  May is unfolding in its true glory.

 

One Full Year

It has been a fuller year than I could have ever imagined, Drew.  Sometimes the days fly by, other times, they creep and crawl.  But looking at the pictures above, it is clear how much you have grown, changed and developed over the last 12 months.  I remember the Sunday night you finally started to “get the show on the road” last October.  After putting Alex to bed, I knew something was different.  We made sure to catch the finale to Mad Men and then jumped in the car and headed for Kaiser.  They finally got us to the Labor and Delivery wing (first day of the new hospital opening…10-10-10!) and after some unsuccessful attempts to drug Mom up, you were born the following morning on October 11, 2010.

And just as quickly as it all started, life kept rolling.  We moved to Sunnyvale just weeks after your birth and so began a few new chapters in our lives.  You have grown through it all….charming the ladies, being a consistent happy presence in the nursery and M.D.O. class, learning how to crawl, use a bottle, eat solids, and now, at one year, you are letting us know what you want.  No less stubborn or demanding than your brother, we are rarely wondering what you want or desire.  You always make us laugh.  Your growling, ball throwing, exploring and joy radiate.  We love your hugs, pats on our backs and attempts to keep Mom and Dad on our toes.  You are SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEDY.

So many fun memories already, and can’t wait to see what the year ahead holds.  We love you, Drew!

‘Twas the night before Drew’s birthday…

When all through the house

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even a mouse.

The pumpkins were hung

From the windows without care….

In hopes that Drew’s birthday would soon be there.

Drew was nestled all snug in his bed,

while visions of balloons and party hats danced in his head.

Sally on the carpet, and I on the couch,

Had just settled down for a long evening’s slouch.

Cupcakes were frosted, zoo animals stuck in snug…

Flowers trimmed, veggies pealed and fruit cut, now it’s time to unplug!

and that’s where Mom’s creativity dies the night before your birthday, Drew.  So——-

Happy Birthday, dear Drew….

And to all a good night….

Rounding the Bend

Can’t believe that the baby is 11 months old today.

 One more month and we hit one year.

How could we have gone from this…..

To this so quickly?!?!

Drew, you are a wonder.  You love being active and exploring EVERYTHING.  We thought we could just get by on “half” babyproofing the house…like closing doors and keeping certain areas off limits.  But, when our backs are turned, or you see a door open, get out of your way!!!!!!!!

You are on the move and into exploring (and cooking!).

You are observant.

You love to laugh.

You love stopping everything to watch helicopters and airplanes.

Good thing we live in the flight path for Moffett Field!

You are clapping and waving!

And you tend to draw crowds and people to you…

We love watching you, chasing you, and even having to give you time outs.  We know that all of the busy, crazy, tiring, and challenging times are shaping you into the person you will become.  We hope that many of these qualities we see emerging in you will continue to be true as an adult….except for getting into all the cabinets and throwing pots and pans around.  That might be a little challenging for your social development and acceptance!

Happy Eleven Months, Drewmeister!!!

Alone Time

taken in Santa Cruz while on a 24 hour hiatus with my friend Elena, sans kids & hubby

My dear friend Lisa posted this interesting article on introverts yesterday.  As previously mentioned here in this little blogospheric space, I am into personality types and find the whole subject-matter fascinating.  Especially ironic in that I, an ESFJ, married an INTP in the world of Myers Briggs testing.  You don’t need to know the whole ins and outs of the test itself to see that each of our four letters are opposing.  And that means that we’re both pretty different.  In fact, as different as the test can determine.  But I love that.  I think that we are perfectly matched though.  We approach the world and life and people and work and parenting in different ways, but all the fun stuff seems to be pretty similar.  From art to travel to what’s really important in life (French Roast coffee, obviously), we tend to be right in sync.  I think that our kids will benefit from these core differences, but “taste” similarities.  That, or they’ll pit us against each other to get what they want.  Hmmm…..more on that in 10 years.

Anyhow, I’m an extrovert.  As a parent, however, I find myself much less extroverted than previously in the sense that I am not energized by groups of people anymore.  I am just tired these days.  My friend Suzanna described this phenomenon so clearly today, that I’m just going to send you to her blog to get a sense of WHY my undereyes are always black, my hair disheveled, my words incoherent.  And due to this current stage of life, I find I don’t just crave, I REQUIRE, alone time.

I have been reading countless books and blog posts on engaging fully with your children.  Putting down the ipad, cell phone, email to be emotionally, physically, fully present.  I agree with this philosophy and see the amazing benefits.  It just makes sense.  Who wants their kids to grow up believing that their parents’ computer or cell phone is literally an apendedge??

But I noticed something today.   And it came in the weirdest of ways and places.  I had nothing on the calendar and was a little fearful what the boys and I might do to each other if left to our own devices.  Thrilled at a picnic playdate, we jetted off to Washington Park to meet up with friends for a bit.  About 15 minutes in, I noticed a lovely brown streak and odor coming off of Alex.  He had been crawling around with his Viking Ship and crawled in dog poo.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  Love these moments.  Of course.  Only 3 wipes in the diaper bag.  No extra clothes.  Crawling infant.  Anxiety ridden dog.  These are the times when one is grateful for friends who can cover while you’re cleaning up life’s messes.

Anyhow, once we eventually got home, I stuck Alex in the tub and closed the doors on Drew in the play room while I tried to clean up the many messes.  Drew contentedly played with his toys for over an hour (I joined him after 10 minutes of cleaning, don’t worry, Grandmas….).  Alex played rocketship in the tub and then got out, got dressed and built an 2 story house with his loft bed for an hour.

I might have been a teacher, even with preschoolers for a year, but I don’t really know the ins and outs of child development.  

But what does this all say about “alone time”??  

Do we all need it, extroverted or not?  

Are we more creative and resourceful when left to our own devices?

 Do we push through frustrations and dead ends when we have no one to fall back on?  

And how does this all relate to children?

Alone time just isn’t going to be in my vocabulary or reality for the next year or so, no doubt.  Alex craves “close to people” time 24/7.  He is as creative as all get out, but needs someone shoulder-to-shoulder creating alongside him.  That coupled with a mobile infant/toddler who NEEDS constant supervision to  keep from dirt ingesting, complete house destruction, and injury, makes for a very active existence.

And yet—-I am trying to maintain a few SAFE, alone moments for each of us.  My gut, developmental theories aside, is that it is important and necessary, whether introvert or extrovert.  That this time alone does indeed lead to more creativity, balance, and sanity.

When wondering about this whole concept, it is pretty comforting that even Jesus, who is perfect, being in relationship with God, still needed to take time away, to be alone.  In Mark 1:35, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”  This little passage comes right after Jesus has been on a healing marathon.  And right before he is off to calm the stormy seas, and freaked out disciple passengers.  Not much of a break….because frankly, when people needed him, wanted to be in communion with him, he didn’t say no to them.  He was all about people and loving them.  Even when it was “inconvenient” or when he was taking a break.  Rather sobering to see that Jesus’ break was to pray, not watch “Project Runway” on Hulu.com while nursing a cup of ice water with lemon slices.  DANG.  But, breaks, he took.  To refocus.  Re-connect.  Re-energize.  Breathe.

And now that this little patootie is TEN MONTHS (how did that happen????), I’m going to try and find that balance for all of us too.  Alone time to ground each of us, in our different stages of life.  Helps me appreciate the gifts of family and community all the more and have enough bandwidth to actually laugh about dog poop mishaps, rather than cry.  Happy Ten Months, Drew….so grateful to spend lots and lots of TOGETHER time with you, sweet bunny.

Almost Famous

Managed to get a view pictures of the Drewster this morning to commemorate eight months of life for the little buddy.  It was probably quite dangerous to give him this truck, but it was a desperate attempt to win him over with a new toy that might allow me to get a few pictures.  As you can see, “we” lasted all of 5 minutes.

Anyhow, I sent the image into Costco to get my usual wallets for his 12 month baby frame.  Later today I popped by Costco and had the weirdest incident.

I was paying and the lady at the next cash register over was helping another gentleman.  All of a sudden, I heard, “Hi, Christine!”  I kept digging for my debit card and then realized it was a man next to me, so she MUST be addressing ME.  Weird.  So, I looked up and said hi.  She has extreme strabismus/lazy eye like Alex had, so even when I looked up at her, I wasn’t sure she was talking to me.  Anyhow, about 5 seconds later, she commented, “Can you believe it’s been EIGHT months???”  Then I knew for certain that she meant me.  Didn’t have either of the boys with me, though, so I was still a little confused.  She assured me that she’d been so excited to print up my picture order earlier this morning and wanted to wish Drew a happy eight month birthday.

Cute?  or Creepy??

Still not sure, but I did laugh throughout my 1/2 an hour Costco shopping trip.

A closet People Magazine and US Weekly fan, I do have a great affinity for the famous subset.  I sneak in watching episodes of Entertainment Tonight or Access Hollywood while Matt’s out dutifully leading bible studies or attending Session meetings.  And yes, I often wonder what life would be like if I were famous.  What would day-to-day errands and life look like being in the public eye??  {ugh, just the THOUGHT of that, coupled with today’s incident is a big “NO THANK YOU!” from me}  Would I have a house cleaner, and thus, not be sporting gorgeous interior decorating skills like this??

Would I be driving Alex to school in this??

….a Tesla in case you can’t see….

{we were BOTH excited enough to scream to get the camera out on the way to the last day of school on Friday}

Even though I can imagine some of the perks of a famous lifestyle, I will whole-heartedly pass for now.  Even though our life is crazy these days, I’m grateful for anonymity (minus the Costco lady) and a pretty normal existence.

Drew, at eight months, you are such a love.

You LOVE…..

grabbing and YANKING my hair

grabbing and YANKING whatever I’m holding

grabbing and YANKING food from the shelves at the grocery store

grabbing and YANKING cords {time to finalize baby proofing!}

eating everything offered

sitting up straight on your own, looking at detailed things and fingering them

laughing at Alex when he’s having a temper tantrum (it’s entertaining, huh??)

“crawling”/throwing yourself towards where you desire to go

You’re a force, Drew.  Hopefully you and your brother won’t kill your mom before you turn one.

Just keeping LAUGHING at Alex’s tantrums, not EMULATING them….PLEASE.

We love you, Drew!  Happy eight months!