DPP ’11//Rudolph…Can’t We All Just Get Along?

This shot is blurry and you can’t even see all the brilliant red Rudolph noses in their full glory, but I adore the faces of these munchkins.  Today was the Christmas program at the preschool for Alex’s class.  Hilarious joy to watch them in action.  Even though they are still working on learning all the words and fancy moves, it was such a reminder about how much more they are capable of at 4 vs. 3 years.

My dear friend, Sarah, posted this Parenting Style Quiz on Facebook today.  As I often mention here, I am a Personality Test fanatic and Sarah has only fed into this addiction for the last 15 years of our friendship. {I say that with deep gratitude!!}  Without going into painstaking detail, I needed to hear the last line of my type’s description, the “Stay-Sane Sanity Tip”.  The part about conflict.  Because I often feel like there’s a lot of conflict happening—it’s like parenting = conflict management.  And that is hard and draining for me.  So, to read it here….that that response in me, to be beat down by conflict….is normal for my personality, helps, in an odd way.

That and seeing 50+ kids with Santa hats and Rudolph noses singing and dancing their hearts out.  Good for the soul.

The happy-together mother (ESFJ)
The ESFJ mom strives to create a happy family where togetherness and harmony flourish. Whether she’s taking her children to the park or putting on a holiday feast, her efforts are directed toward having everyone get along. To many, the ESFJ mom personifies motherhood: She’s domestic, promotes traditional values, provides familial order, and is very involved in her kids’ daily lives. People-oriented, she’s drawn to community and the social scene. She helps her kids discover the joys of groups.

Stay-sane tip: Remember that a certain amount of conflict is part of any healthy family. Don’t let it get to you.

No words for these amazing women.   Darlene, Julie and Sonia, Alex’s teachers this year, are three of the biggest blessings in our lives.

Catch 22

The treadmill is on turbo speed. Not really, but some days, it just feels that way. Especially when I manage to breathe and take things one moment at a time….and then something creeps in. It makes my heart beat faster. Forces me to my list making default. The magazines I just can’t keep up on….(notice each magazine has two copies…I am TWO months behind)

The counters to organize…..(THERE’S the remote, and wayward marshmallow stick, and camping supplies, replacement appliance manuals, Sally’s allergy medication, and on and on…)

The dishes to put away….

The cleaning that would only take a few moments….(gross—-dried retried beans)

The pumpkin seeds to be roasted….(obviously not a priority, but the growing fly colony??? Gross!!!!!)

The laundry to be put away….

Floors to be vacuumed…

Shelves and surfaces to be dealt with…

(on that shelf alone….confiscated from Alex chocolate bear cookies, knitting I started in May…2010, three vases of dead lavender Alex put in our room to help it smell relaxing, a bunch of paint chips and a heart stamp cutter for an upcoming craft project, a roll of toilet paper packed for our recent Yosemite trip, 2 necklaces that need to be restrung and fixed, a glass of water from 2 weeks ago, some of Alex’s art projects, Drew’s yet to be worked on baby book/journal)

Books to be read….including one which is to be a fall book group with my far flung reader friends…SORRY, ladies. My name is really Slacker.

A piece of artwork to be reattached…

And these are just a few of the obvious things—-places I spotted on a recent trip around the house. There are plenty of bigger projects, some pretty important, like assembling documents to have on file in order to substitute with the local school district, that have deadlines. And yet… And yet…. And yet…. Many I don’t attempt, start or even allow myself to contemplate. When did I become “this” person?

I am coming to think that it is a choice. A choice to momentarily let go. To sit and zone out on Pinterest. Or watching Project Runway. Or just rubbing my tired eyes while nursing a glass of water…or miraculously, wine.

And sometimes it feels like a Catch 22. I can make list after list after list and have days where I cross everything off, run 10 errands at 100 mph and all the things pictured above seem to slowly, but surely happen again. The ever blessed cycle. The circle of life. The reality of being human and living with littles. Life is organic, always growing, shifting, adapting, changing and moving. And while my head is spinning with to dos that seem crucial {HELLO!!!! Christmas is mere weeks away….}, sometimes waiting and purposely NOT attacking the to do list might be the best response.

Why do we beat ourselves up over these things, or better yet, hide them from others?? Don’t we ALL have these loose ends? Why don’t I soothe myself instead, with the things I DID get done? Drew’s first birthday party, a big photography card job, getting my TB test, creating and hanging fun Halloween decorations, making it to the pumpkin patch, doing the laundry (even if it didn’t get put away!), making meals for my family. Listing all of that doesn’t push away what still waits, though. The reminder that you need so many more positives to replace the negatives.

So, let’s start the weekend off with some positive self talk. When the sweet “kid”/checker in Trader Joes asked me all sorts of energetic questions about my “upcoming, relaxing weekend”, I snorted inside, died a little death and laughed. Ahhhhhh, the sweet. The young. The innocent. Weekend? Well, it just looks different. Not bad or worse, just different. Lazy Sunday afternoons, spent reading said magazines, while drinking hand squeezed lemonade? Gone. In its place is amazing insanity. Exhaustion after chasing the boys. Then evenings for which I’m too tired to tackle the to dos.

And for now, as hard as it is to let things go, I. Am. OK. With. It.

Hopefully we can ALL extend grace to ourselves and each other….and flip our perspective!

“Grace must find expression in life, or it is not grace.”. —Karl Barth

One Full Year

It has been a fuller year than I could have ever imagined, Drew.  Sometimes the days fly by, other times, they creep and crawl.  But looking at the pictures above, it is clear how much you have grown, changed and developed over the last 12 months.  I remember the Sunday night you finally started to “get the show on the road” last October.  After putting Alex to bed, I knew something was different.  We made sure to catch the finale to Mad Men and then jumped in the car and headed for Kaiser.  They finally got us to the Labor and Delivery wing (first day of the new hospital opening…10-10-10!) and after some unsuccessful attempts to drug Mom up, you were born the following morning on October 11, 2010.

And just as quickly as it all started, life kept rolling.  We moved to Sunnyvale just weeks after your birth and so began a few new chapters in our lives.  You have grown through it all….charming the ladies, being a consistent happy presence in the nursery and M.D.O. class, learning how to crawl, use a bottle, eat solids, and now, at one year, you are letting us know what you want.  No less stubborn or demanding than your brother, we are rarely wondering what you want or desire.  You always make us laugh.  Your growling, ball throwing, exploring and joy radiate.  We love your hugs, pats on our backs and attempts to keep Mom and Dad on our toes.  You are SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEDY.

So many fun memories already, and can’t wait to see what the year ahead holds.  We love you, Drew!

Alone Time

taken in Santa Cruz while on a 24 hour hiatus with my friend Elena, sans kids & hubby

My dear friend Lisa posted this interesting article on introverts yesterday.  As previously mentioned here in this little blogospheric space, I am into personality types and find the whole subject-matter fascinating.  Especially ironic in that I, an ESFJ, married an INTP in the world of Myers Briggs testing.  You don’t need to know the whole ins and outs of the test itself to see that each of our four letters are opposing.  And that means that we’re both pretty different.  In fact, as different as the test can determine.  But I love that.  I think that we are perfectly matched though.  We approach the world and life and people and work and parenting in different ways, but all the fun stuff seems to be pretty similar.  From art to travel to what’s really important in life (French Roast coffee, obviously), we tend to be right in sync.  I think that our kids will benefit from these core differences, but “taste” similarities.  That, or they’ll pit us against each other to get what they want.  Hmmm…..more on that in 10 years.

Anyhow, I’m an extrovert.  As a parent, however, I find myself much less extroverted than previously in the sense that I am not energized by groups of people anymore.  I am just tired these days.  My friend Suzanna described this phenomenon so clearly today, that I’m just going to send you to her blog to get a sense of WHY my undereyes are always black, my hair disheveled, my words incoherent.  And due to this current stage of life, I find I don’t just crave, I REQUIRE, alone time.

I have been reading countless books and blog posts on engaging fully with your children.  Putting down the ipad, cell phone, email to be emotionally, physically, fully present.  I agree with this philosophy and see the amazing benefits.  It just makes sense.  Who wants their kids to grow up believing that their parents’ computer or cell phone is literally an apendedge??

But I noticed something today.   And it came in the weirdest of ways and places.  I had nothing on the calendar and was a little fearful what the boys and I might do to each other if left to our own devices.  Thrilled at a picnic playdate, we jetted off to Washington Park to meet up with friends for a bit.  About 15 minutes in, I noticed a lovely brown streak and odor coming off of Alex.  He had been crawling around with his Viking Ship and crawled in dog poo.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  Love these moments.  Of course.  Only 3 wipes in the diaper bag.  No extra clothes.  Crawling infant.  Anxiety ridden dog.  These are the times when one is grateful for friends who can cover while you’re cleaning up life’s messes.

Anyhow, once we eventually got home, I stuck Alex in the tub and closed the doors on Drew in the play room while I tried to clean up the many messes.  Drew contentedly played with his toys for over an hour (I joined him after 10 minutes of cleaning, don’t worry, Grandmas….).  Alex played rocketship in the tub and then got out, got dressed and built an 2 story house with his loft bed for an hour.

I might have been a teacher, even with preschoolers for a year, but I don’t really know the ins and outs of child development.  

But what does this all say about “alone time”??  

Do we all need it, extroverted or not?  

Are we more creative and resourceful when left to our own devices?

 Do we push through frustrations and dead ends when we have no one to fall back on?  

And how does this all relate to children?

Alone time just isn’t going to be in my vocabulary or reality for the next year or so, no doubt.  Alex craves “close to people” time 24/7.  He is as creative as all get out, but needs someone shoulder-to-shoulder creating alongside him.  That coupled with a mobile infant/toddler who NEEDS constant supervision to  keep from dirt ingesting, complete house destruction, and injury, makes for a very active existence.

And yet—-I am trying to maintain a few SAFE, alone moments for each of us.  My gut, developmental theories aside, is that it is important and necessary, whether introvert or extrovert.  That this time alone does indeed lead to more creativity, balance, and sanity.

When wondering about this whole concept, it is pretty comforting that even Jesus, who is perfect, being in relationship with God, still needed to take time away, to be alone.  In Mark 1:35, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”  This little passage comes right after Jesus has been on a healing marathon.  And right before he is off to calm the stormy seas, and freaked out disciple passengers.  Not much of a break….because frankly, when people needed him, wanted to be in communion with him, he didn’t say no to them.  He was all about people and loving them.  Even when it was “inconvenient” or when he was taking a break.  Rather sobering to see that Jesus’ break was to pray, not watch “Project Runway” on Hulu.com while nursing a cup of ice water with lemon slices.  DANG.  But, breaks, he took.  To refocus.  Re-connect.  Re-energize.  Breathe.

And now that this little patootie is TEN MONTHS (how did that happen????), I’m going to try and find that balance for all of us too.  Alone time to ground each of us, in our different stages of life.  Helps me appreciate the gifts of family and community all the more and have enough bandwidth to actually laugh about dog poop mishaps, rather than cry.  Happy Ten Months, Drew….so grateful to spend lots and lots of TOGETHER time with you, sweet bunny.