Knowing….

It really amazes me to think about the process of “knowing”.  Maybe there’s some fancy term out there to describe it….metacognition or something like that.  Thinking about thinking??  For me, though, it’s much more of a baseline than that.  I just had the opportunity to learn more about the Five Love Languages in relationship to parenting.  Looking for ways to figure out what makes your kids tick in their deepest places and then seeking to love them in that way.  Or looking at it from a personality perspective, like the Enneagram for kids.

I love these approaches.  And yet….

Something keeps hitting me.  I seriously have NO clue who I’m cohabiting with.  I think I’ve got each of them penned down, nailed down, figured out….and then I’m reminded that each of them (even our crazy, anxiety ridden dog) have new areas to explore and discover and new places for me to get to know.

I remember thinking I knew him so well.

the night we got engaged after Elisa’s wedding (june 2003)


And now know how much MORE I can lean on him physically and emotionally….

a forced smile between contractions {with the non-functional epidural} during Drew’s birth (october 2010)


And geez….CLEARLY I had all the keys and clues to his ins and outs here….

Alex and Mom, June 2007

And am now realizing how much more there is to uncover about him in the years to come…

(who would have predicted this get up 3 years ago????)

So I look into the eyes in that picture of Drew at the top of this post and have now learned to think, “I wonder who will continue to emerge before me” vs. “I know you so well.”  Hard to imagine what the years will hold when the last five months have already seemed so rich and full with this new addition to our family.

And when I’m all overcome with this concept of knowing {and frankly, NOT KNOWING….}, I’m reminded of something that truly seems unfathomable.  God’s ability to know us. In the deepest way.  And to not only know me {yes, I’m self-centered}, but EVERYONE.  That’s freak out material, folks.  At least for me.

These words might be “known” to you, but in my opinion, they bear repeating.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

2You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.

3You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.

4Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely.

5You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.

7Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?

8If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.

9If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,

10even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,”

12even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.

15My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.

17How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

18I try to count them—they are more than the sand; I come to the end—I am still with you.

19O that you would kill the wicked, O God, and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—

20those who speak of you maliciously, and lift themselves up against you for evil!

21Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

22I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.

24See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

~Psalm 139, nrsv

One thought on “Knowing….

  1. Great post! It made me go look at pics of both of my kids when they were little. They are now 16 and 12 and fast approaching adulthood. It is great to see someone appreciating God’s blessings like you obviously do.

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