Apathy

I am disgusted with how often this is the best word to describe me these days.

Apathetic about exercise.

Apathetic about eating well. {notice above photo…no goals set?}

Apathetic about planning fun, creative things to do with Alex.

Apathetic about menu planning and cooking.

Apathetic about my to do list.

Many remind me that I just had a baby six months ago.  To be easy on myself.  To ease into the transition of this recent move.

But those words just tend to breed more apathy.

I love fun notebooks.  Colorful pens.  Lesson plan books.  Goal sheets.  So, on Monday, I tried creating a list for the day.  When we moved, I grouped together all of the notebooks we had lying around.  And they’re not fancy.  Spiral.  1/4 full of paper.  Mead variety.  But, something about the list making, even in a mundane notebook, with a basic, black roller ball pen was helpful.  The list wasn’t exciting:

  • Change Alex’s Sheets
  • Change our sheets
  • Wash Alex’s sheets
  • Wash our sheets
  • Pull out size 3 clothes from Alex’s closet
  • Scan Sunset cookbook from library
  • Return Sunset cookbook after scanning
  • Make binder of lent devotional and laminate pictures
  • Clean out purse {I try to do this nightly so that it’s not such a daunting task}

Do you ever make lists like this?  Adding extra things….maybe even things you’ve already done?  Just for the LOVE of checking them OFF the list?

Weird thing is, Drew seems to SENSE that a list has been made.  That mom has RESOLVED to be productive.  And he decides HE should be productive too.  And not in the “napping, restoring energy sense”.  In the “I’m busy, busy, busy and want to be held and cuddled” sense.  So, the to do list just creates stress and frustration.  {unless….I just add “hold Drew” and “cuddle Drew” to the to dos!  Now THAT is smart, eh?!?}

Fellow mom & friend deemed this “the circle of neglect”.  Love it.

 

I’m wondering if apathy is a natural reaction.  Sometimes life  just feels too hard.  Or the questions and concerns that are looming feel too big.  Too many.  Too complicated.  Too heavy.  Sometimes it just feels better to be happily apathetic than try and answer the questions and deal with the foggy unknowns.

Until Mr. Preschooler breaks in and asks, “What is Easter about, Mom?”

“Ummmmmmmm……”

And then asks to make a tomb with a rock and 2 soldiers and Jesus and a crown of thorns.

Don’t tell our landlord that Alex picked all of these….shhh.  It was for a good cause.

 

Do you see Jesus rolled up in the tomb?  Hilarious.


Alex made this at MOPS on Tuesday.  First time I’ve seen him draw something resembling a person!

It kind of jolts you (well, ME!) to wake up, brush away the fog, take note and be present.

These opportunities are lying around all the time.  Am I alert enough to see the opportunities that are in front of me?  And not just see them, but take part?

(an opportunity LITERALLY lying around in front of me)

 

I’m reading Shauna Niequist‘s book Cold Tangerines and she writes on this topic of apathy in a roundabout way, “I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud.  And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes.  I want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now.  I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”

Preach it, sister!  LOVE it.  So, go find a cold tangerine.  Or a fun notebook.  Or wake up, look around, and take notice.  On the road to shaking off apathy….

5 thoughts on “Apathy

  1. I’ve felt a bit of a letdown after the concert on Sunday myself — but that was a magnificent experience. Your post remided me of two things:
    1. Another book you might like to read is “My monestary is a minivan”. The author is a friend’s sister & I’ll lend you my copy. Right up your alley.

    2. I keep a collection of inspirational videos/websites for just this type of occasion. Here are a couple I’ve been watching & sharing lately:
    http://www.flixxy.com/jive-aces-bring-me-sunshine.htm

    https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1301819980936

    Obviously the last one you have to log into FB to see, but it is well worth it.

  2. Wow~ I was just having this same conversation with my home group last night. How my ‘laziness’ was keeping me from God’s work. Not fear, as I get so excited when I see Him work thru me, but sheer laziness~ selfishness~ not wanting to hassle with the follow up~ not because I don’t have time, but because I don’t want to make the time……all bad~ but you my dear~ your time is filled~ every moment of you day I’m sure….don’t be hard on yourself. Find ONE thing to focus on….eating, exercise, organization~ what ever…..do it. Just one~ do it~ then call me and tell me about it….. just one thing. ONE~ ❤

  3. Who says apathy is a bad thing? Prolonged maybe… but perhaps apathy is your body’s way of saying… “gimme’ a break! I work hard all the time, constantly, constantly caring for others and caring for you. Give me some rest… care for me.”
    Being consistent with what you said, one of my professor at school said, “Sometimes the best way to shake apathy is to embrace it.” Basically, instead of fighting it, just the idea of letting it be for a season… then (my teacher proposes) the cold tangerines, pink shoes, paint the wall the color of the sky, and eating ripe tomatoes will all begin to flow out of you naturally as your body says “I’m ready to go again.” Not to say that I’ve ever been satisfied with that myself, I’m the pot calling the kettle black, but it is a thought.

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