So many crazy things have been unfolding here in the last few weeks. Yet, boys are still boys. Life is still busy and fluid and moving. Sometimes the flow is moving and going, and you have no choice but to go with it. Swim with the help of the current, and hold on. Trying to find moments to connect with friends, family and former colleagues has been paramount for me, and yet hard to do when two littles are underfoot. They seriously seem to have a sensor to know when the “BEST” possible time is to invade. And scream. And yell. Usually when I’m trying to act calm, cool, collected and professional. Maybe God uses our kids to keep us humble? Guessing so.
Anyhow, so here are some clues as to why things have been a little “extra crazy”….
First Clue: I need a new lunch box….
Second Clue: This book will be dusted off and filled in again.
Third Clue: I had to FIND this. Renew it. And make sure it was still valid.
Fourth Clue: This well-organized binder of transcripts is going to be my best friend on Friday, as I’m filling out paperwork. SO grateful I somehow had the wherewithal to put this together years back.
Fifth Clue: California History, my favorite guilty pleasure, is going to become part of my vocabulary again.
Sixth Clue: There has been lots of calendar syncing, plans for childcare coverage and imagining….
Well, if you haven’t figured it out, almost four years after stepping out of the classroom, and away from 12 sweet groups of 4th graders that shaped, changed, pushed and challenged me…from an amazing staff that had become family, not just colleagues…with a send off, going away school-wide sing-a-long surprise….
I’m going back!
We were looking at Anticipation last week in our advent study at church and man alive does that sum it up for me. The feelings of excitement and expectancy and joy and hope. AND….the feelings of fear, apprehension, and doubt. Waiting. Knowing part of what I’m getting myself into, but also, being fully aware that there is a lot to take in and learn.
The way this opportunity unfolded was so unexpected. I couldn’t have written the scenario. Put it this way, I cried in the interview. And not because of fear. It was an “Oh my gosh…I GET IT, God….” moment. I mean really….part time? Fourth grade? In Sunnyvale? Next door to a friend and mentor from church. Sharing the position with someone I knew I would connect with immediately. Truly, amazing.
And now…I’m just really excited to meet these kids. To see who I’ll be spending time with for the remainder of the school year. To share the journey of learning and frankly, life, together.
I know that it will be an adjustment in many ways, but what life change isn’t an adjustment??
So, as we have pushed into Advent, I am finding the truth of the words in Ann’s Jesse Tree devotional and the Storybook Bible to be grounding me in unexpected ways each morning. The concept that “We were made by Love! For love! Made in the image of God to look like His love! The Christmas story is a love story, the whole blue marble of the world spinning on the axis of His love… Could anything be better?” It may sound a little like a blurred love scene in a 70’s movie…two characters running towards each other in a wheat field with the sun setting in the distance, golden beams extending….
But——it’s not just an emotional appeal. The concept that God’s love created each and every thing, even knowing those created things would so quickly turn and, as Ann reflected, “the first man and woman have only stepped onto the stage of creation, their first lines hardly out of their God-breathed mouths, and already the story’s an almost impossible mess.” The fall. The “Oops….You really meant we couldn’t eat THAT fruit??” mistake.
I keep coming back to the image of the axis of His love. The this whole crazy world. The world that often feels like it’s spinning way too fast. Potentially flying OFF the axis…that this same axis is the grounding of God’s love. Our center in the chaos.
So here’s to stepping out into change. Letting go of some fears. Standing in the falling leaves, acknowledging what’s been, naming what is ahead and knowing that my concept and understanding of both is bound to grow and change and evolve.
Postscript: I am grateful beyond belief for my “tribes” the past few weeks. Former coworkers, dear friends, discerning parents and in laws, & my new community here. It has been a big time of prayer and thinking and questioning. New adventures are on the horizon, and truly as Drew’s doing in this picture, I am realizing that in the staggering winds of questions and thoughts gone wild, you have to hold onto what is steady and enjoy the breeze.