Eleven :: Tough as Steel

There are three things extremely hard:

steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.

Benjamin Franklin

This is my husband.  Preparing for his Children’s Sermon at the Kid’s Christmas Eve service.  Duct tape is useful for all tasks, including attaching a “happy light” as a necklace.

This is how is looked in actuality…

Does he look like a Man of Steel?!?

He DOES have a Superman t-shirt in his closet….

Not sure STEEL is the perfect description, but strong, yes.

Matt’s known for being the sappy one between the two of us.  As I have mentioned here previously, he was the one that cried at our wedding and in the midst of giving many-a-sermon.

Those tears are endearing to me.

* * * * * *

Why am I waxing poetic over Matt?  I try not to talk about him too much here.  He’s not too into public stories and focus being put on him.

{although preaching each week might be the exception}

Today marks 11 years since this…

(posted last year on Instagram)

And in official Miss Manner’s terms…it’s all about steel this year.

So I did some research on steel.

Steel is strong and doesn’t cost a lot.

 It can harden and prevent dislocations.

How do you connect that to marriage?!?

It’s strong?

Yes…but not costing a lot?

Not feeling that one.  Marriage does cost a lot.  It isn’t easy and man alive, we have a ways to go.  So much to learn and practice.  Lucky Us!

We can and do “harden”, hoping it prevents emotional dislocations.

Isn’t that the way of relationship?

“If I just grit my teeth, grin and bear it,

we’ll push our way through?!”

The more I see this approach play out, though, I’m convinced it isn’t so productive.

Maybe, as Anne Hillman wonders, it is more about “permeable aliveness” vs. old choices and clear-cut answers.

Possibly old ways need to die so that something new can be born?

Perhaps (ya think?!?) vulnerability is at the root of this “new way”?

Learning to Love and Look with Uncertainty?!

Yes.  Yup.  Yessiree Bob.

This year, we will celebrate 11 years.

I am in major purging mode, so every gift idea keeps getting shot down in my own head.

We loved sipping Moscow Mules this summer, so I pondered splurging on the special STEEL hammered mugs we saw recently downtown.

{Inkwell, you slay me everytime.  Corvallis locals, you know what I’m saying!}

I thought it could be fun, dramatic.

Maybe slip in a tasty Vodka, a lime and Trader Joes’ amazing new ginger beer?!

Those glasses are one more thing to store and we really had no trouble enjoying MANY a Moscow Mule last summer in our normal everyday glasses.

Specialty glasses for every drink?  Not thinking that’s necessary.

So, I’m “settling” for dinner out after a (no doubt) busy day with the boys.

Maybe we can hold an entire conversation.

Complete thoughts and sentences.

Think a bit about the year ahead and what it means to know oneself (thanks, President Franklin) and reflect a bit on true strength with my Man of Steel.

Happy 11th, Matty!

* * * * * *

Previous Anniversary Posts:

Ten

(and Palm Springs 10 Year Anniversary trip here)

Nine

Eight

Seven

Reality

It is no secret…I have a passion for/addiction/obsession with The Bachelor and Bachelorette enterprise.  I should just say “no” and pick up a book and actually utilize a few more crannies of my brain.  But, sometimes we succumb to guilty pleasures.  This all began just before I got married.  My dear roommate and I would bond over Bachelors Andrew Firestone and Bob Guiney from Seasons 3 and 4 or Bachelorette Trista Sutter from Season 1, giving our lives true meaning, intrigue and excitement after especially hard teaching days.  The “MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER” kept us watching, week after week, season after season to see which contestants, vying for love, would come out the winner.

Now twenty-eight seasons later, I am still watching.  And shhhh….but….my husband will watch too.  We even included illusions to it in our Christmas letter the year we were married.

Things have changed, though.  I have read more and more about how producers influence so many aspects of the reality we naively watch.  I now follow many former cast members on instagram and find myself thinking I have a true “insider view” into their everyday lives.  And shocker of all shockers?!?  I am a big Reality Steve fan.  Reality Steve is infamous for his “secret” sources which give him all the nitty gritty details on the season, prior to its premiere.  His “spoilers” allow viewers to know background about the cast, blow by blow details of the exotic dates and who goes home on which episodes. Steve even reveals who wins the entire kit and caboodle on the finale.

You are either a spoiler FAN or spoiler HATER.  Reality Steve is your hero.  Or your nemesis.  And the other day I got to thinking about this quandry.  What is my fascination with “reality” tv?  And more than that…knowing ahead of time what will REALLY happen and then watching “reality” unfold to see if they match up?  I think Reality Steves’ spoilers provide levity for me.  He is humorous and pokes fun at the whole Bachelor enterprise.  Yet, if asked, “Would you want to know is going to happen in the future or not?!?” I would invariably say, “no, thanks”.  In this case, though, I love how you can watch the show with totally different eyes knowing who is to come out the “winner”.  You watch for the nuances and catch the beginning sparks that lead to love in the end—or at least, perceived love.

There is so little in life that we truly know for sure, except perhaps,  that life is unpredictable.  So to know FOR SURE who will make what decisions seemingly before they even do feels pretty powerful.  The finale for this past season, season 10 of the Bachelorette, just finished up 2 weeks ago.  We were camping on the Oregon Coast, far from DVRs, cable and Hulu Plus services.  Even though I KNEW Andi and Josh would wind up together, I had a compulsion to watch the episode.  I needed to see it for myself.  Then….my phone connected long enough to see this picture come up on my instagram feed.  Proof!  Look at that ring!  Engagement confirmed.

 

But still, once we got home the following Saturday from our camping trip, I had to pull up the three hour show and watch it all.  See it and experience it for myself—-in all of its over-produced wonder.  Sometimes, though we want sure-fire, guaranteed knowledge of what the future holds, it really comes down to needing to walk through today, the here and now, ourselves.  Reality Steve may make me feel all-knowing and powerful, but really?  The Bachelor and Bachelorette are a lot of smoke and mirrors.  And the truth of it??  I still will watch despite knowing the absurdity.  Because sometimes it’s nice to escape reality by being privy to someone else’s.  After a long day of household chores and trying to help our children grow into respectable citizens, it can be fun to accompany the Bachelorette to Italy or Belgium or the Domincan Republic enjoying fancy dinners and over-the-top dates.

When it comes to my life, my decisions, my companions and family, though, I am happy to live in my reality. Our stories, our lives, our narratives, are like any plot.  There are low moments, highs & mountaintop experiences, day-to-day monotony. God calls us into the story, to be the main character, living in the unknown ourselves.  To have perspective to see how the harder moments of our past lead to our self of today.  But also, to see how we too can shape the storyline for our days ahead.  A call to—like the Bachelor and Bachelorette—to find love.  Maybe our love, though, is the capital “L”, love.  To find the places where God dwells and is moving and be co-creators on the journey.

 

 

 

Palm Springer “Ten-i-moon”

We are fresh off the plane from our Palm Springs, 10th Anniversary Adventure and I wanted to share some of the fun spots we went to….

this is a rather narcissistic, self-indulgent post, but hopefully you’ll just ignore and not read it or get some helpful tips!

We enjoyed a gorgeous sunset flying into Palm Springs…

Checked into the Hideaway, part of the Orbit In Hotel.

This fantastic spot was recommended to us by our friends and it was perfect.  Sitting area.  Partial kitchen.  And going off season meant we were the ONLY guests our first night.  Awesomeness.

The Hideaway and Orbit In Hotels provide complimentary cocktails every night, a continental breakfast, pool with free snacks and drinks, free bikes and even the owners even snuck a bottle of wine in our room to celebrate our anniversary.  So sweet.

Hiked a mile and a half down to Workshop Restaurant + Bar.

We hoofed it down to Workshop Kitchen + Bar.

The cocktails were phenomenal….especially the Palm Springer!  Everything is made in house and is yummy.

We thought the food was fine, but the cocktails were the draw for us!

On the walk home we stopped by the Palm Springs sign and of course, Marilyn….

On Day 2, we decided to borrow the bikes and explore the cute neighborhoods.

Mid-Century Modern homes galore! It was awesome.

We ended up biking over 12 miles on accident, but we were hoping it off-set the cocktails!

Randomly we rode by Liberace’s house during our bike ride and also checked out an old gas station, now a restored Visitor’s Center.  Such fun architecture.

 We did a huge loop and ended up at the Saguro Hotel.

Rainbow heaven!!!

Next we biked down the road a few blocks, stopping at the ACE Hotel.  We had the King’s Highway restaurant all to ourselves for lunch and loved resting our rears and having breakfast for lunch.  YUM!  The King’s Highway is an old, restored Denny’s and such a fun spot.

Even though it was a cloudy afternoon, we enjoyed the pool and a beautiful sunset.

The Saguro has a great dinner spot called El Jefe which hosts Taco Tuesdays from 4:30-9:30pm.  A great chance to taste test tacos galore.  We loved the chorizo and shrimp tacos, chips & guacamole and charred pineapple margaritas.

No free dessert that night, but we splurged on “El Fuerte”.

{aka: flourless chocolate cake, vanilla mousseline, caramel mousse, mezcal chocolate sauce, coffee malt ice cream & spicy pecans}

Our next day, January 8th, we had the gift of a car and stopped by Elvis’ Honeymoon Hideaway….

had to celebrate his 79th in style!

We drove a few miles north of town to the Windmill Market in the middle of….

you guessed it….

Windmills.

To get….

Date Shakes!  SO GOOD.

{from Sunset Magazine:  Don’t dare leave without trying one of these frosty, sweet, and slightly earthy gifts from the desert. The best in the valley is at Windmill Market, a few miles west of town on a barren stretch of Indian Canyon Drive. This funky bodega has old-fashioned sodas and 99-cent tacos, but the real scene-stealer is the shake. Windmill goes for maximum purity with Medjools from local Leja Farms, vanilla ice cream, and milk, all made to order in an old-timey mixer. Sip it on the patio out back and take in the mountain views. $; closed Sun; 17080 N. Indian Canyon Dr.; 760/251-4489}

The Uptown Design District was our next stop….

tons of fun mid-century modern furniture stores—

and the amazing stores by Trina Turk.

We met our friend for lunch at Cheeky’s.

Lunch outside, on a patio in January is NOT overrated!

And the bacon.

Oh, the bacon.

They have a FLIGHT of bacon, folks.

Here’s Matt’s Bloody Mary…in a boot!

{awesome art outside of Workshop}

{stopped to see Marilyn by day!}

After lots of pool relaxing on our one truly sunny day….

We headed out for…..more food.

At Birba.  Birba is owned & operated by the same folks at Cheeky’s.

It was our favorite meal by far and so fun.

We got to sit outside next to a fire.

Butcher block with meats, cheese, dates and olives?

Yes.

Eggplant Carbonata with homemade burata?

Yes.

Rigatoni with butternut squash and sage.

oh my.

Pizza with pancetta, pecorino, egg and spring onions?

Yes.

And no room for dessert.

Our last morning was so bittersweet.  We sat by the pool for our last al fresco breakfast.

And I shed a tear or two.

And finally hit up Sunnylands, the “Camp David” of the west.

Originally owned by the Annenburgs, it is now a beautiful spot many can visit and enjoy.

The gardens are awesome (hello, succulents!) and many political leaders still visit today to retreat from busy professional life and connect for peace.

We had such a great trip and are so thankful my amazing parents were willing to watch the boys to make it all happen.

Happy 10th, indeed….

now onto picking up toys.

Loading the dishwasher.

Doing laundry.

Grocery shopping.

And….teaching.  EEK.  Starting MONDAY!

Back to the “real” world.

The real, rainy, gray world!

and a stiff latte!

Ten

Ten years ago we were celebrating a new start and an adventure….married life.

We were excited to put together IKEA furniture.

(or at least fake it)

We were getting a shiny new car.

Wedding presents of china, kitchen appliances, fabric napkins and tablecloths were being unwrapped, laid out and used.

Despite working full time, we had evenings to hang out, weekends without huge responsibilities or cares.

We were buying a new house and fixing it up.

Getting a new dog….

I look back on these pictures and am almost surprised at the “newness” of it all.

The IKEA shelf?

Sold on Craigslist.

The red Honda CRV?

Holding on, but a dent and white paint “tattoos” from this year’s snow storm car debacle.

A dent from me passing too close to a bus.

Lots of miles logged.

That new house?

Fixed up.  Sold.

Another house bought and sold.

The sweet rescue dog?

Luckily, still one of our favorite companions.

The doggy bed and bandanna??!?

Long since chewed up.

The “free weekends” of wine tasting?

and Bed & Breakfast trips?

Well, luckily those aren’t TOTALLY bypassed….

and the reason for our busier evenings and weekends….

well, they aren’t so bad!

Romantic nights by the fire are just—–

focused on s’mores.

Ten years is not too long in the scheme of life.

But in our world….

it has been full of change.

Six jobs for Matt.

Four jobs for Me.

3 Rentals.

3 Home purchases.

1 dog acquisition.

2 children birthed.

1 car purchased.

2 cars sold.

1 car leased.

Countless meals cooked, clean up after.

Trips….

Europe.

New Mexico.

Oregon & California Beaches.

NYC.

The South.

New Orleans.

Hawaii.

Mexico.

Road Trips Galore.

We have celebrated nine anniversaries already (chronicled here)…

countless birthday shenanigans

and holidays.

And despite the fact that the “newness” factor of our life 10 years ago has worn off a bit, I can honestly say that each day feels new.  New challenges to face.  New conversations to have. (or to revisit again and again…and again….)  New restaurants to try.  New communities to explore.  New stages of development with our children.  New jobs to challenge us & to step into as we seek to follow God’s lead.  Some of the newness is hard and fear-producing, but I am so grateful to have a partner to walk through and into that with.  I love the daily routines and rituals, finding comfort and even joy in “boring” nights at home with our made-at-home dinner, movie night and no big plans.  Adventures look a little different than they might have 10 years ago, but there is still “newness” to be experienced.

{in Italy, 2004)

About four months ago, my friend Mihee wrote an amazing post about her 10 year anniversary.  She talked about the “traditional” ten year anniversary gift of tin/aluminum…

“Ten years. Even though we’ve never done traditional gifts I was curious what it would be for the tenth. The symbolism of tin/aluminum is striking and a really apt description of something we have learned – and are still learning DAILY – about a marriage is that it “needs to be flexible and durable and how it can be bent without being broken.”

Flexible. Durable. Bent without being broken.”

I so resonate this…marriage is hard work.  And it is all about tin & aluminum.  Bending, but not being broken.  Being flexible.  Durable.  Hard, challenging work many days—-filled with miscommunication.  Accidents.  Misunderstandings.  Competing agendas.  Mistakes.  Unpredictable children.  But somehow that all feels like part of the sweet, mundane gift of it all, of marriage.  Even though we are both broken, even through we are ALL broken people, we have a chance to practice grace, love & life with one another.  We can be there to celebrate the others’ joys, new challenges, to walk through the fears together & to laugh/cry over the raucous dinner table playing “I Spy” and shouting to be heard.  It is a mystery to understand marriage.  A daily walk.  But here we are….celebrating ten years of it all—-next week in Palm Springs, but today?  Working, managing the kids, planning playdates, washing dishes, making meals, bathing children, picking up dog poop, filling the gas tank.  The usual.  Maybe, “boring”, but when cobbled together, they all become part of the pieces that strengthen our life, bringing durability.  Way too many chances to test the pliability and flexibility?!  Yes, no doubt.  But we will be raising a glass over take-out pizza and a movie at home tonight after getting the kids to bed.  Raising a glass to ten years.

Nourishment

Any parent tends to think about nourishment now and again—-or maybe every meal, snack and bite that we prepare for our kids.  Are we cobbling together enough to keep them satisfied?  The right balance to ensure healthy growth?  And even more important, do we manage to eek out a **FEW** meals that provide nourishment  for something deeper—connection with family over the table through conversation, however disjointed it might be.

I love this quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea.  In case your reader or blog feed won’t let you read the words in the picture above, here’s the quote again:

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back — it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.

Often the nourishment we need and seek can not be found through the means we employ—-holding on tightly, possessively clutching, touching heavily.  In fear, left to our own ways, we too often think we can nourish relationships through control.  Lindbergh reminds us that the pattern that can be created, the dance to be experienced is so much richer, moving, beautiful and **nourishing** when we let go and move to the same rhythm, not necessarily the same steps.

I am finding myself in a season that can often feel parched, dry and endless.  Like childbirth, I think I blocked out the emotional and mental stamina needed to parent a 2 year old.  They are relentless.  Today, I savored 2 hours of alone time by deep cleaning our bathrooms with Clorox.  What does that tell you?!?  I’m **nourished** because I can clean in peace without interruption?!?  What is this world coming too??  Night after night, we are suffering through sleep issues with the boys—one is suffering from night terrors and the other from bad dreams.  I often feel like they are tag-teaming, planning out a new and devious scheme to keep me from shut eye and the nourishment of consistent sleep.

I write this here to remember, to remind myself that one day they will sleep through the night.  One day they will both be capable of entertaining themselves so I can get some other chores done.  One day I might have enough stamina to do more that survive each day til I can plop on the couch at 8pm, exhausted.  Maybe, one day….

How do we find nourishment in these moments—-moments when I don’t even register what would BE nourishing.  How do we provide nourishment for our children?  True rest when fears and dreams fill their heads?  Meals that satisfy when their picky likes and dislikes prevail?  Time of connection and conversation and bonding when our own eyelids are heavy and our hearts are tired?

Lately, I have tried to remind myself that all of the “screaming” voices of culture (aka Pinterest & Facebook), are not the end all, be all.  Sometimes, turning on the sprinkler as the temperature soars into the 90s is necessary.  Maybe embracing the school’s spirit week—wearing mustaches, Hawaiian gear, baseball garb or super hero outfits makes all the difference.  Could nourishment surprisingly be found walking in the walk-a-thon in 90 degree heat?!?  Yes, maybe even there.

I wondered what this stage would look like in my life—parenting two boys, being a “stay-at-home-mom”, keeper of the calendar, diaper changer, dishwasher unloader, dinner maker.  Sometimes those moments, as much as I’d like to hope, don’t feel life giving.  In the midst of the exhaustion, I seek out hope.  Hope in something much stronger and firmer than food, experiences and memories.

I keep seeing images before me…reminders that even when I want to cry and pitch a temper tantrum….

….that it really makes more sense to call on friends.  To enjoy some time away from the bunnies.  There is no guilt in that.  Pure nourishment.

How do the kids find nourishment?  Alex wears his winged shoes.  Drew dances out in the rain. (or wears a Davy Crockett hat….obviously)

And some moments, under and through and in between the chaos, there are glimpses at these PEOPLE we are raising.  Encouraging our boys to love with abandon.  To shower others with flowers and love.  To write their stories.  To look out into the world and see “outside” themselves.  To be men of adventure.

At Open House, we got to see Alex’s work from Kindergarten.  It was surreal to attend Open House as a parent, and not a teacher.  To see his self-portraits from August and May and observe the growth that has unfolded.

These moments, if we pay attention, nourish.  It’s like that “goo energy gel” that you suck down on a long run.  You slurp down some reality and it energizes.  A chance to gain perspective and see we are raising PEOPLE.  No huge surprise, but a truth often lost in the day-to-day survival of parenting.

I’m not sure if mine will end up a politician, a pizza delivery boy, a mattress salesman, a smoothie maker or comedian…..

….but in the moments where I cling hard in control, desperately seeking nourishment, running on empty—-it’s time to look them in the eye.  See them for who they are and enter the dance and help them create the unique pattern that they are weaving with their lives.

And then pray to GOD that they sleep through the night just ONCE this week!

Wanting Their Best

from the lovely Lisa Leonard 2013 calendar…

“True Love Grows Organically”

Have you ever had a moment when you suddenly realized you cling to love for another vs. jealousy?  A situation where a friend or loved one shared peace, a new understanding, an achievement or goal reached and you truly celebrated with and for them?

I know it is not easy.  Some days are downright painful.  I watch friends who struggle with fertility, celebrate with another who is newly pregnant.  I felt the sting of singlehood for 29 years as many friends met spouses and married.  Frustration rose inside as I witnessed others effortlessly balance work, parenthood and marriage while I struggled to keep all of the balls in the air.  The scenarios and opportunities for jealousy, disappointment, struggle and loneliness are endless.  Despite the life-changing gift of true community and friendship, there lays a challenge.  The comparing.  The longings.  The “why not me?!” or “why me?!” questions.

And then once in awhile perspective and time and circumstance offer the gift of seeing these situations anew.  Today I had one of these watershed moments.  I had the chance to talk to a dear friend and was given a reminder.  One of those, “if we’d known ten years ago where God would have us now, would we have believed it?!?”

Ten years ago……my mind raced back a bit.  Did a little math and I suddenly realized what was going on 10 years ago.  10 years ago this week, my husband had a table saw accident and partially severed one finger and severely injured the other and his thumb while working on a cabinet project.  It is a long story, but it seemed to become the catapult into our relationship.  A friendship had existed for over 8 years, but it took a table saw, a ride in the emergency helicopter and some heavy drugs to give him clarity about our connection.  Upon realizing that this week marked the 10 year “anniversary” of our relationship beginning, I went and dug out a binder of emails I put together when I closed my “Hotmail” email account and opened up my “Gmail” account.  I had printed out the emails that went back and forth between Matt and I, as well as his parents and I, pastors, friends, etc. as the whole thing unfolded.  Worries about his health and surgery.  Wonderings and “HOLY LORD ABOVE” emails between friends and I as I sensed he was about to say “let’s ‘date’!”  {guffaw guffaw}  Notes back and forth discussing ministry and seminary.

I marvel at the way relationships naturally develop depth over time.  I read carefully crafted words by me.  Tentative questions asked.  Notes painstakingly typed by Matt as he recovered from hand surgery, describing the recovery and Vicodin survival.  I see echos of themes we still discuss today and yet realize how much we have experienced in the 10 years that have passed.

Is the love we feel for friends, for spouses, for our children a love that is different over time?  Does that love shift, change, ebb, flow and grow?  What happens when we force it?  Or love out of obligation or commitment or guilt?  I do not have all the answers, nor do most of those in ministry or psychology professors from college or writers of the sociology of society. Love is organic.  It moves in ways that surprise and amaze, sometimes painful and hard.  And today, I am feeling especially grateful for the ways love, relationships and community, grown organically, have taught me to move from spaces of jealousy—or at least HONESTY about jealousy—into places of love.

So raise your spoonful of Mac-n-Cheese….

And holler out a big “YAAAHOOOOO!”…..

….for the ways God, the giver of True Love, is meeting us today.

++++++++++++++

A few of mine today:

Celebrating the events of ten years ago in my life {even though it involved a major injury for Matty!}

Celebrating with Maggie Whitley of Gussy Sews in the birth of Maxwell Zackary Whitley

Celebrating with Micha Boyett as she announces her new book deals and the eventual publication of “The Mama Monk”

and Celebrating with our dear friends, the Silas’ at the birth of their twin girls.

Found this piece of paper in the previously mentioned “binder of emails”….it is Matt’s notes to send me flowers in my classroom to commemorate the start to our relationship.  

Small things, notes for a florist, can be wonderful touchstones of history (and memory of the uproar and upheaval those flowers caused amongst my thirty-one fourth graders that day….)

nine years

I asked Alex yesterday why he thought Matt and I make a good match because today we hit nine years of marriage!  Alex’s response?  “Well, you both wear glasses.  You both like to drink wine…and…..you fell in love with each other and wanted to be together FOREVER!”  I love the wisdom of children.

Yesterday I went in search of how we have celebrated anniversaries in the past.  The pictures and clues were hard to find, but here are the few tidbits I came across via cards, facebook & old calendars….and I am thinking that Alex might just be right.  Wine and good meals might be our relationship glue!

Year “Negative One” or “T-Minus One Year, but Clueless”, January 2003

This picture was taken at my dear friend Jessica’s wedding.  Little did we know we would be getting married exactly a year later!

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Wedding Day, January 3, 2004

Such a beautiful day.  Sunny&  clear {but cold!}.  Dear friends and family in town to celebrate.  Youth group kids and Marin Elementary students and staff in attendance.  I will always remember our wedding with deep fondness.  A true day of dedication and celebration.

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Year One, January 2005:

Vacation (with Matt’s whole family) in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

We were blissfully smiling on the beach while the ENTIRE rest of the family had the Mexico yuckies due to dinner the previous night.  Our anniversary gift was health for sure!

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Year Two, January 2006:

Thanks to the EXTREME generosity of my 4th grade class, Matt and I received a generous gift certificate to Manka’s Inverness Lodge.  We celebrated our anniversary a week early with a night away and one of the most memorable dinners of our lives.  Yesterday, while searching my files for Big Sur inspiration, I happened upon the menu from our dinner that night.  Axis Deer was consumed.  Holy Moses.   In February we had trips to Mendocino and to NYC so I also included pictures from those trips—-life before children…lots of travel!

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Year Three, January 2007

Overnight to Sonoma Wine Country, 4 months pregnant with Alex

I remember wonderful meals at the Fig Cafe in Glen Ellen and dinner at El Dorado Kitchen {I still can taste the yummy truffle oil on my soup!}, beautiful wineries {this picture was taken at Matanzas Creek, known for their amazing lavender!!!}  and lots of good cheese.

Funniest memory of this trip…the cottage we were staying in belonged to my in laws’ friends’ parents.  It seemed weird that no one was really around when we arrived, but we went into the cottage, tentatively, hoping they knew were were “on the books”.  At one point in the afternoon, a sweet older man walked right in as we were enjoying some wine and appetizers.  Needless to say, we left that night, before staying the second night.  It was pretty hilarious.

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Year Four, January 2008

Found no pictures, but saw this in Alex’s baby book.

So, I guess we went to T-Rex in Berkeley and saw the movie, Juno.

Newborn parents stupor!

I do remember that the next day we were interviewing at Westminster Woods for what later became a big move for us with new jobs.  That interview entailed a momentous drive in a horrendous storm, which even closed bridges and many roadways.  Dinner and a movie the night before were truly, “the calm before the storm”.

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Year Five, January 2009

Matt surprised me with a night away in San Francisco for our 5th anniversary.  Living in rural West Sonoma County led him to reserve a Bay View room at Hotel Vitale, right across the street from the Ferry Building.  We spent the day at the Academy of Science, had appetizers at the former “Taylor’s Refresher” and dinner at Town Hall.  He even scheduled massages for us prior to leaving the next day.  It was a wonderful getaway from a busy 20 month old!

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Year Six, January 2010

blurry picture by our amazing waitress at Wood Tavern

It was my year to plan in 2010 and we began our day with breakfast at Brown Sugar Kitchen in Oakland jetted back to the City to see the play “39 Steps” by Alfred Hitchcock at the Curran Theater and had dinner at one of our very favorite spots {our first time there!!}, Wood Tavern in Oakland.  I could eat at Wood Tavern for EVERY special occasion.  Despite the blurry picture, I remember getting to sit in the special window table and getting free dessert with candles.

So grateful for grandparents who continue to watch our children and allow us to have days out like this!  I was newly pregnant with Drew and feeling bleh, but still remember this being a great day.

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Year Seven, January 2011

Year Seven dawned about 10 weeks after Drew was born, 2 months after moving to Sunnyvale.

We were in full on parent stupor, lacking sleep, our bearings, or many communication skills.

A dear friend, one of Alex’s amazing teachers from the preschool, forced us out for dinner and watched the boys.  We enjoyed a wonderful meal at Dish Dash, a local Mediterranean restaurant in Downtown Sunnyvale.  The same day, a very nice bottle of CHILLED champagne had arrived, via Fed Ex.  It was in celebration of our move and new job from a dear friend.  We popped the cork and double toasted to Matt’s job and seven years!  We also had the gift of sneaking in a little pre-anniversary day in the City and saw a phenomenal exhibit at the de Young Museum showing works by Van Gogh, Gauguin,  & Cezanne.  We also squeezed in lunch at the Museum and IKEA shopping, sans kids, thanks to Matt’s awesome sister who watched the boys all day.

Here is the post I wrote on our seventh anniversary, Contentment.  It is one of my favorites as it chronicles the story of how we met and were eventually married.

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Year Eight, January 2012

I was having a hard time remembering what we did, so I checked trusty Facebook and my status reported, “Yummy dinner at Scratch in Mountain View to celebrate our 8th anniversary.  Ahhh, two hours without the littles….a leisurely meal with finished conversations.  Heavenly.“

I remember talking a lot at the meal about our new diet plan we were starting that weekend, Eat to Live.  I was so scared and enjoyed that salmon immensely, knowing everything but veggies and legumes would soon be off limits!  The next day, I was to begin my teaching position at Vargas, so we kept things simple and local.  It was a wonderful calm before the intensity of teaching re-entry.  That weekend, we also shared in the phenomenal wedding of two summer staffers, Daren & Lisa, and the picture above is taken with Lisa’s sister, Julie {who will now be interning at the church with Matt!}.

Here is the post I wrote on the blog last year on our eighth wedding anniversary.

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Today marks nine years for Matt and I.

I know that we are swimming upstream a bit at this stage in our lives.  My friend recently said, “We’re in the SOUP right now.”  Apt description!

Parenting young children and staying connected as a couple is hard work.  Movies and “reality” tv like to paint a different picture, but I will say again and again…..it is work.  I can’t imagine walking the road of life without Matt and so it is a gift to do this work together.  Many hours are spent apart as most couples experience, with employment and responsibilities with the children.  And most of the hours spent together also include our two boys—thus, it is busy, loud, active & messy.  I often try and lift my head up while chopping veggies for dinner or cleaning up crumbs after a meal and take it in.  To soak in the life around me and the fact that I get to partner in it with my best friend, with someone who knows me so deeply.  This “being known” is not easy.  Being known often entails seeing the things within ourselves that we’d rather keep dark and hidden.  We have made some concrete, challenging steps to work on our communication this year and I am so grateful.  Sometimes exploring those hard places together is the true way of love.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

I am excited to spend the day in Big Sur today.  We drove there about ten years ago for day of hiking and the views & scenery are still fresh in my mind.  I can’t wait to form memories for Year Nine together, to linger over some amazing food {Big Sur Bakery  and Nepenthe, watch out!}, talk about goals for 2013 & as Alex foreshadowed, no doubt toast to another year over a glass of wine.

The Baddest Witch in the Whole Wide World

We have delved into the world of Ramona Quimbey over the last few weeks, enjoying the adventures, predicaments, awkward struggles & memorable moments. A few scenes over the last two books have surprised me, squeezed unexpectedly between Ramona’s antics. Moments of deep truth and wisdom eased into the narratives by Beverly Cleary.

In Ramona the Pest, Ramona, a kindergartener, decides to dress us as a witch for the long awaited Halloween parade. She asks her mother to find a mask. This mask must transform her into the ‘Baddest Witch in the Whole Wide World’. On the day of the Halloween parade, Ramona proudly shows up with her costume on, reveling in the fact that she can chase her classmates without her identity being breeched. When it comes time to line up, Ramona’s teacher calls them and, “Seeing Ramona standing alone, she said, ‘Come on, Ramona.’ It was a great relief to Ramona to hear Miss Binney speak her name, to hear her teacher say ‘Ramona’ when she was looking at her.”

Later as they are ready to head out for the parade, she realized “she was afraid of losing herself behind that scary mask.” Taking matters into her own hands, Ramona “printed her name, and then she could not resist adding with a flourish her last initial complete with ears and whiskers…” on a sign and hung it around her neck. “Ramona Q!”

“Now the whole world would know who she was! She was Ramona Quimby, the only girl in the world with ears and whiskers on her last initial.” Ramona continues in the parade, mask firmly in place, sign held up for for all to see. Between the sign and her boisterous hellos, her mother, little Willa Jean and even Henry’s dog, Ribsy, recognize her and she takes great joy and delight in those realizations.

I was talking with a friend this week about how marriage and parenthood pretty much takes away any thought of masking our truest, rawest selves. You just can’t hide your humanity when you are chasing your kid through the bike shop as he screams, shrill-fashion, wearing a “DANGER” helmet. {really, that MAY have just happened to us….just maybe}. Marriage too is a place where hiding is almost impossible. Some may try to live successfully within a marital relationship with masks, but sooner or later the preverbal rubber band snaps off the back and the disguise falls.

As fun as masks can be, as easily as they hide our truest selves, we long, as Ramona did, to be known. Ramona wanted that scary mask more than anything, but simultaneously she wanted her identity to be clear. Ramona needed the WHOLE WORLD to know—-she wasn’t the baddest witch, she was truly RAMONA, just disguised.

Halloween, for all of the opinions out there, can be controversial. For me, though, I love the chance it gives kids to take on a new identity. Try on a new persona. Be the villainous Darth Vader for a night, wielding a light saber into the darkness….only to lift the mask (and the cape) up and off after three rough tumbles. Maybe we just have to learn by doing, by trying, by falling and failing….try the mask on, thinking it will hide the deeper stuff beneath the surface, only to miss the depth of being truly “seen”.

More on Ramona later this week. She has some profound insights on love. For now, I’m playing a few roles—-sometimes masquerading as the baddest witch as I fight frustration with two determined young-ins, other times taking that mask off and letting my true identity be seen, even with its flaws and growing edges. May we feel that same great “relief” Ramona felt, though, when those that love us no matter what, especially our Creator, speaks the words, our names, with love. The gift of Grace that can give courage and truth to the dark, embarrassing and challenging places we would prefer others not see.

June

June has always marked a time of transition for me.  Whether as a student or later, as an educator, or even during my time working at camp, June meant a time of shifting.  Finishing classes, saying goodbye to students, ushering in a new group of summer staffers.  June signified the closure of lessons and papers to grade or the arrival of campers, for whom we’d been preparing for for months.

In June of 2002, I had a time of MAJOR transition.  I was closing the sweet chapter of four incredible years of working with high school students at First Presbyterian Church in Berkeley as a volunteer youth advisor.  These students were so much more than “kids” I saw weekly.  They were deeply ingrained into every facet of my life.  I will always count these students as dear friends and their graduation and exodus from Berkeley was a very bittersweet moment.  {Oddly enough, Matt worked with these students during junior high, so they were stuck with one of us from sixth grade through twelfth grade.  Photo proof of the junior high years, below.}

Also, during that same month, my friend was getting married.  A good friend at that point, and now, ten years later….?  She is one of my closest and dearest friends.  For me, as an only child, she truly feels like a sister.  I remember her beautiful, celebratory wedding as a deeply painful moment for me.  A reminder that I was letting go of so many pieces of my own life, watching a friend move into a new stage of marriage, celebrating with dear friends, also attached to significant others.  And I was alone.  For some reason, it just felt so magnified that night.

Little did I know that just 364 days later, almost a year, I would be engaged myself.  Not to an unknown *Mystery Man*, although the teachers at my school attempted to set me up on MANY blind dates, but instead, to someone I had been walking along with for some time.

Perspective is such a weird thing.  One moment you can be so encircled with goodbyes, releasing moments and memories and transitioning into new ventures and unknowns.  Other moments can feel so foreign and unfamiliar.  Like walking into a dark room, filled with people, blinded by a spotlight on you and you alone.

Had I known, that day in June of 2002 that a year later, I would have experienced a few very intense transitions and changes, would I have felt so isolated and alone at my dear friend’s wedding?  Who is to say.  It was one of the most intimate, warmest and sweetest weddings I have ever attended.  Like many moments, though, you can be surrounded by community and still feel out of sorts and lonely.

There were many rocky, unexpected moments that brought June 28, 2003 to pass.  A wedding rolled around…this one for another  incredible friend.  And little did I know, the date would become a big one in my history too.

I remember standing for this photo.  It is such a visceral moment for me.  I had no idea the rigamaroll that was going on around me before and after this moment.  {the full story can be found here}  Phone calls to my parents from the parking lot.  Champagne being delivered to my doorstep back at home.  Balloons, once perfectly placed and planned and arranged, deflating, tangling and migrating as we inched home on Highway 101.  But nine years ago, all that did unfold.  And a question was asked, an answer given, champagne toasted, phone calls made and a new chapter began.

Perspective and June.  Little did I know that nine years later, I’d be sitting in a bathroom, watching two boys get cleaned up after a long day of play.  Littlest one singing “ma–MEEE—ahh—OOOOHHH!”, his **own** rendition of “Happy Birthday” belted at ear-splitting volume, while eldest watched on.

Little did I know the apartments and houses we’d have inhabited, jobs we’d stepped into and out of, children birthed, friends met and invested in, conversations had, arguments endured and worked through.

Relationship is hard.  Community is hard.  Family is hard.  All three are glorious as well, but hard.  As today unfolds like any other, I am so grateful to partner together with Matt.  We are still {young} in terms of marital years and hopefully have many more in front of us.  But I look at the pictures from nine years ago and think of all the events and moments that have transpired since—the many layers that have formed from our experiences–and I am filled with much gratitude.  I marvel at our completely opposite personality types, yet the way I feel so incomplete without him around this week.

One constant, despite the years that go by is change.  Transitions never really disappear from our lives.  I find that EVERY aspect of my life seems to morph just as soon as I think I have the perfect schedule, organizational strategy, classroom management tip or parenting secret mastered.  June itself, a constant in the yearly calendar, rolls around like clockwork each year, and though it is expected, it always brings the unexpected and change.

I’ll toast a glass of fizzy water tomorrow from California as Matt is camping out in Mexico with the high schoolers.  That glass will be raised to the start of a journey, raised to the lessons learned, raised to the unknowns ahead, raised to the gift of a companionship forged with a ring nine years ago.  

Here’s to June….

and to “Clear Eyes and Full Hearts”.  

Thanks, Coach Taylor.