On Christmas morning I did a little internal squeal when I opened up a package containing a frivolous item that had been on my wish list…a felt letter board. A few days after the hoopla of the 25th, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were helping me cut apart the hundreds of plastic letters that came with the felt board. I began wondering to myself what message and words I should place on that board. Happy New Year? Dwell in Possibility (Emily Dickinson)? People who love to eat are the best people (Julia Child)? So many letters and quotations to choose from can often feel overwhelming to me and then I end up with a blank slate.
As 2018 begins, we enter into a time where this blank slate is before us. For me, I begin to ask myself what message I should be placing on my own felt board. What message should I be sharing? Be living out? Be guided by? In the past I have jumped on the “one word” train and chosen a word that was my focus for the year ahead. Oftentimes my “one word” felt overwhelming and like another must-do on the checklist.
So I am sitting with the blank felt board for awhile. My kids are putting messages on it. Sometimes silly ones. Sometimes a “subtle hint” to their parents. The messages can be misspelled. Unfinished. Too wordy to fit.
Is it such a bad thing to have a blank message board, though? To wait and just *be* in the midst of a new year? To proceed with love and kindness. To move with independence and creativity, even if we aren’t 100% sure of our tagline?
In 2018, it is my hope to live with an open heart. To have my “felt board” open to post the message needed for the moment. Maybe even to be a place to “display” the messages of others…to allow my kids to choose the intention we focus on as we move forward.
“An infinite question is often destroyed by finite answers. To define everything is to annihilate much that gives us laughter and joy.”
– Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet
{this post is one of my “every so often” blog posts for Practicing Families….reposting here}
Fourteen seems so much more civilized than thirteen. I think of thirteen and all that goes along with the first year of “teenagedom” and my eyes get big and my heart pounds a little faster and harder. When you think of marriage in comparison to our own youth and development, it gets a little scary. The early teen years? The years of awkwardness, facial acne (or was that just me?). Band geek moments. Trying to find my footing socially. Working out what it means to establish my own beliefs. Thinking I was mature and yet, wanting the comforts and support of my parents. The teen years meant more internal, emotional strife. Yet….through all these roller coaster moments, I also have very fond and heart-felt memories of these years too.
And when it comes to marriage in the “teen years”? Well, I’d say fourteen is pretty sweet. I feel greater comfort and “being known and seen” than in the early years. I am growing more confident of my own self, needs and areas for growth (oh, there are SO many areas for growth….sigh…) . We are entering a new stage of parenthood that while harder in certain areas also is easier too as they gain independence.
As I look back on the year that has just ended—thirteen!—I am thankful for the traditions that we continue to solidify. I am grateful for the MANY laughs we have chosen to share (vs. growling and internal implosion) over the parenting journey. I cherish the opportunities afforded to us by grandparents and our dear support team to go out for a meal or a movie or a walk without our kids. I am more thankful than ever for Matt’s humor and wit. It is helped me get through many a hard teaching or parenting day still standing.
Fourteen itself, according to HappyAnniversary.com reminds of these same themes….and gives tips for the traditional gift for fourteen years, IVORY.
Between raising children, working on your careers, and all the other chaotic details of life, the 14th anniversary is one that some people pass by without marking. Instead, plan to get away together for the weekend or overnight. Ship the kids off to your parents’ place at least for one night if you can. By this time in a marriage, we are so busy and often feel pulled in every direction. So plan ahead and set aside alone time for you and your spouse.
Ivory is the traditional material for the 14th anniversary, but please only ever buy products that are made using imitation ivory which is often made using a composite sourced from non-endangered animal bones, tagua nuts, or some other non-animal source. Please never purchase real ivory because that supports an illegal and brutal elephant poaching industry. Better yet, make a donation to the elephant rescue charity in Tennesee. They provide forever homes for elephants who have been mistreated in circuses or found living in inadaquate and cramped zoo conditions. It is truly a gift from the heart!
I can’t say I have managed to purchase anything Ivory or Elephant preservation focused to mark fourteen years (instead I went for the always popular choice….beer, chips and salsa—but at least the beer is MAN GOGH….not quite GOUGH, but still, couldn’t resist that purchase!), but it’s never been about the traditional with us anyhow.
Yesterday we were in the Oakland Airport, ready to board a flight home to Portland after a wonderful trip to the Bay Area for New Years. And a rat entered the airplane after the previous flight had landed. A rat hunt ensued and after 4 hours of updates and reports from the gate employees, maintenance and the amazing pilot himself, our flight was cancelled. Matt, being the creative he is, started tweeting hilarious updates and was picked up by four news sources and asked to skype in for an interview. Our odd little incident became the top story of the day later that night on the news. I can’t insert video footage here, but suffice it to say it was hilarious.
And if our marriage and days can be built on celebrating the odd moments, laughing at our weird predicaments, trying to keep sane and connected even when work and parenting are challenging, well….then that makes me feel like we aren’t doing too bad. Would a week trip to Europe be an awesome celebration of our anniversary?!? Um, yes. But feasible?? Not so much. And that’s fine. Dinner and movie will do. It may not be ivory or saving endangered elephants, but the normal, everyday with a little celebration thrown in, is enough for me.
2016 :: Twelve Years (was sick in bed, so we had a yummy post anniversary dinner out a few days later at Frankie’s after a January 3rd snow “storm” where school was closed!)
One of my favorite rituals and rhythms each year is taking time to look back over the year and thinking about the books that landed in my lap. Every year, especially as I have moved back into full time teaching, leaves me with guilty feelings. I have regrets over books never finished, others returned to the library early to avoid late fees, or just acknowledging that I spent more time catching up on reality tv or binge watching shows on Netflix than I should have.
But….we have to start where we are. And let the realities of our current circumstances be what they are. And so, I choose instead to be grateful for the works of literary art that we took in this year. I also joined a Book Club this year with other women at my school. It was such a great addition to the year, built friendships, allowed me to dig into some books I wouldn’t have otherwise. Hoping to keep up with this in 2018.
Without further adieu, here they are. Former year’s posts are linked at the bottom along with some books I am looking forward to in 2018! (** denotes a favorite from 2017!)
Kids
{sidenote: In Oregon we have a wonderful, statewide program called OBOB which stands for Oregon Battle of the Books. Students form teams and together read 16 titles for their age group. My students can participate and Alex has also been on a team every year too. After reading the books, they prepare for “trivia” battle on the facts of the books and compete at school and then later, regionally and statewide. I love the titles they include and am noting them below,}
Magic Tree House (always for Drew…but he especially liked the new Magic Tree House book that came out this summer, A Big Day for Baseball. It chronicles Jackie Robinson and was fantastic. We also re-read the San Francisco Earthquake book too, Earthquake in the Early Morning. Fun to focus on the history and have a deeper discussion.
The Case of the Mistaken Identity (Brixton Brothers Series)by Mac Barnett (OBOB 2017-2018)
**Dashby Kirby Larson (OBOB 2017-2018). Because of the study I do in my class each year on the time of Japanese Internment, I was beyond excited to see this book added to the OBOB list this year. It chronicles a girl’s experience being sent to an internment camp and having to temporarily leave her dog behind. Very touching story and well-written to be accessible for upper elementary aged kids. I can’t wait to start it with one of my in-class book clubs this February.
**Masterpiece by Elise Broach. (OBOB 2017-2018). OH MY GOODNESS. This was a favorite of mine this year. Such a sweet story combined with some mystery elements too. A must read for upper elementary kiddos!
Eddie Red Undercover: Mystery on Museum MileEby Marcia Wells. (OBOB 2017-2018) This mystery was a fun, light summer read with an artsy mystery. Fun to read alongside Masterpiece.
Poppy by Avi. (OBOB 2017-2018). Surprisingly I hadn’t read this until I saw it on this year’s OBOB list. We used it as our 2nd read aloud in my class this year and the class was riveted. It is part of a series and so if kids get hooked they tend to keep reading.
The Red Pencil by Andrea Davis Pinkney. (OBOB 2017-2018) This book tied in beautifully with my first literacy unit so I wrote a grant to get a set to use for Book Clubs in my class. It is written in poetry form and follows the experience of a girl in Sudan who eventually finds herself in a refugee camp. Strong girls and education is a theme combo that just grabs me. A gorgeous read.
**Wild Wings by Gill Lewis (OBOB 2017-2018). Oh my goodness! This was the first book Alex and I tackled from the OBOB list this summer and from page 1, Gill Lewis pulls you in with the written word. It’s a book that still sits with me and isn’t my typical favorite genre, but it grabbed be from the start. Haunting story.
The Who Was, What Was and Where Was Series. Any books from these series are wonderful for kids. Of course Alex, my history buff, was THRILLED for the anticipated release of Who Was Alexander Hamilton. He also devoured Alex and Eliza by Melissa de la Cruz this summer too and we can’t wait for a mom and son date to see Hamilton in Portland in March!
The Wild Robot by Peter Brown. Drew and I delved into this gem and it kept him up reading at night which isn’t usual for him. Drew’s a great reader, but it hasn’t taken over his free time choice yet. But this book managed to do it. It is so good that I stole it a few nights to keep reading myself after putting him to bed.
Immigrant Kids by Russell Freedman. My colleague found this on the shelf at school in the copy room and it became a wonderful new book to enjoy and dig into during our immigration unit in class. Gorgeous black and white photos and text to help students understand the immigrant experience at the end of the 1800s and into the 1900s.
Mr. Lemoncello’s Great Library Race by Chris Grabenstein. Currently reading this one with Alex at night for read aloud. We love Grabenstein’s series about Mr. Lemoncello and have been looking forward to this follow up. It has a similar feel to the Book Scavenger listed below.
Book Scavenger by Jennifer Chambliss Bertman. This book was a fun read and follow up to Bertman’s first book, The Unbreakable Code. Our school librarian set up a scavenger hunt at school and the kids who found the book had a chance to go to the Public Library and do a live FaceTime event with the author, Jennifer Chambliss Bertman. Alex found the book and we went in July 2017. It was such a fun experience!
Who Would Win? Series by Jerry Pallotta. Drew’s current obsession is this series that pits two animals against each other in non-fiction style proving which animal would “win” against the other. Little does he know he will have about 20 different books in the series by the time Christmas is over tomorrow.
Upside-Down Magic by Sarah Mlynowski. This was on the OBOB 2017-2017 list but Drew picked it up in December and it’s been a fun read for bedtime. Fantasy and animal focused, so it’s Drew’s jam.
Teaching/Professional
Daily 5 and CAFE reading books (especially after having the gift of attending the training conference for two days in June 2017). Lots of strategies and ideas to help keep my literacy time relevant for students no matter their reading level.
Young Adult Fiction
Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon
The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon
**Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys. My dear school librarian, Christy, always brings me the best books and knows the themes and types of books she thinks Alex will like. She recommended Salt to the Sea to me and I ordered it at the public library. Barely got home from picking it up and Alex was into it, finishing it in one day. I realized I’d better get going on it too. It is written chapter by chapter following different characters and their experience during WWII. From Ruth Sepetys’ website: “In 1945, World War II is drawing to a close in East Prussia and thousands of refugees are on a desperate trek toward freedom, almost all of them with something to hide. Among them are Joana, Emilia, and Florian, whose paths converge en route to the ship that promises salvation, the Wilhelm Gustloff. Forced by circumstance to unite, the three find their strength, courage, and trust in each other tested with each step closer toward safety. Just when it seems freedom is within their grasp, tragedy strikes. Not country, nor culture, nor status matter as all ten thousand people aboard must fight for the same thing: survival.
A tribute to the people of Lithuania, Poland, and East Prussia, Ruta Sepetys unearths a shockingly little-known casualty of a gruesome war, and proves that humanity can prevail, even in the darkest of hours.”
Fiction
Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter. A fictional read, but focused on some real life, former Hollywood-ites and set in Italy. A fun summer read.
**Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford. This was the first book I read for my book club and had had it on my list for a LONG time. It was gorgeous story telling and writing and a perfect read while teaching my Japanese Internment unit at school.
The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty. I didn’t care for this as much as Big, Little Lies, but it was still a fun read and true Moriarty style.
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. Another read for my book club and perfect companion while watching the series on TV. Margaret Atwood is visionary and an incredible writing. This genre isn’t usually my favorite but I really enjoyed it nonetheless. {or was freaked out by the prophecies found within!}
**Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. I had no idea what this book was about before cracking it open this summer and was pulled in from page one. The story that unfolds is timely and a gripping story of the effects of race and the law.
A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman. Well….get your Kleenex ready when you sit down to read. Fredrik Backman is an incredible story teller and Ove is a character you will fall in love with. His quirks and character development were so touching and moving.
**The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. This book accompanied me to Maui this summer and was the perfect beach read. I absolutely loved it and count it as one of my favorites from 2017.
**Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman. I absolutely positively loved Eleanor’s character, life story and the arc of the plot. Such a fun read and an eye into those on the spectrum as adults.
Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong. My friend Elena read this one due to her membership in the Book of the Month club (I am now a member for 2018…can’t wait for some new expected reads!). I loved the heartwarming story about a broken engagement and Alzheimers. Odd combo, but it works.
**Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly. Just finished this in November for my book club. As a WWII obsessed reader, this griped me. The interweaving storylines were gorgeous and very real.
Sourdoughby Robin Sloan. Kind of a weird one, but fun that it was set in the Bay Area. It includes food and the Ferry Building in SF so it still drew me in despite some disappointing parts.
Cooking
Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat: Mastering the Elements of Good Cooking by Samin Nosrat
Over Easy: Sweet and Savory Recipes by Joy the Baker. So many yummy recipes in this gem. I feel like my life doesn’t leave enough time for slow bunches and more fancy recipes, but I still found this book very approachable.
Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans by Michelle Tam and Henry Fong. I went back and ordered this book and their newest, listed below, from the library and found many exciting new, paleo recipes. Have been cooking up her instant pork carnitas all fall and winter. Fantastic flavor.
Ready or Not? by Michelle Tam and Henry Fong
Relgious/Psychology/Parenting
Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker. I really enjoyed Jen’s storytelling style and particularly have appreciated her accompanying podcasts focused on more of these mess and moxie topics as well.
**Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. I always love Brene Brown but this newest book is especially riveting. The whole experience was made even BETTER when we got to drive up to Portland and have FRONT ROW SEATS to see Brene speak the week the book released. Brene shares some revolutionary ideas in this book that are so applicable to our political and country climate these days.
The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. I enjoy Ian and Suzanne’s podcast more than the book, but Enneagram anything is a must for me!
Brain Rules by John Medina. Great ideas that I have really used in my teaching. I am a geek and sucker for all things brain development and research.
The Church of Small Things by Melanie Shankle. Melanie has such a humorous wonderful style and her books are always a fun read.
Clutterfree with Kids by Joshua Becker
Hallelujah Anyway by Anne Lamott
Frivolous
MAGAZINES! Our boys’ psychiatrist (and our parenting mentor and savior!) saves up their People magazines and gifts them to me on every visit. A guilty pleasure for sure, but a fun one!
The Magnolia Journal. Once in awhile I am given a copy of Joanna Gaines’ newer magazine. I haven’t subscribed yet as it’s pricy and I don’t see TONS of content. But I really loved the summer issue and their Roadtrip inspiration article. Hoping to squeeze in a short road trip this summer up to Washington and another at the end of the summer down to California—-influenced by this article and issue.
Bon Appetit, Sunset, Real Simple
Travel/Memoir/Biography/Photography
***************************At Home in the World: Reflections on Belonging While Wandering the Globe by Tsh Oxenreider. Hands down, my favorite read of 2017. I listen to Tsh’s podcast, The Simple Show, religiously, and have read her books over and over. But this book, was something else. And quite unexpected how much it touched me. Tsh chronicles her family’s year long trip around the world. But it is so much more than that. Our early 20’s aged friend read it and love it too, as did my neighbor who has older high schoolers. It’s just so thought provoking and will transport you to another world and challenge you to think about what it means to BELONG, no matter where you are. I wish I could give this book to everyone in my life this year. Thanks, Tsh. Sidenote: My friend Miranda humored me to trek up to Portland with me right before school started and we went to the PopCast Live event. Tsh was a guest at the event and we snuck in front of the line to have her sign my book. I was basically speechless meeting her and starstruck. Highlight of the year, indeed!
**The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country by Helen Russell. I was on the wait list at the library for the longest time and ended up getting many fees for keeping it too long, but Helen Russell is a master story teller. She crafted a book that chronicles the year she and her husband moved to Denmark for her husband to take a job with LEGO. I adored this book!!
Mastering the Art of French Eating: From Paris Bistros to Farmhouse Kitchens, Lessons in Food and Love by Ann Mah.
**Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah is an incredible writer and this book, while not a light summer read, might be one of my top three of the summer. I read it right after Small Great Things and wow…that was a one-two punch. So much reality about the struggle of growing up biracial in South Africa.
Chasing Slow: Courage to Journey Off the Beaten Path by Erin Loechner
She by Kate Spade New York. My student teacher just gave this to me for Christmas and I was speechless opening it. I am obsessed with women’s biographies and this one is stunning. Photographs, quotes and reflections from famous women (even including Miss Piggy!). All dressed up in Kate Spade book style.
Chasing Light: Michelle Obama Through the Lens of a White House Photographer by Amanda Lucidon. My friend, Sue, gave me this book last week and I read it and soaked in the photographs yesterday. Oh, Michelle Obama, how we miss you!
**Obama: An Intimate Portrait by Pete Souza. I stood pouring over this book with my dear friends, Martha and Jessica during a girl’s weekend in November. We all were teary-eyed recalling the humanity, love, care and inspiration of our former president via the eyes of his photographer, Pete Souza. This is a must have coffee table book, in my humble opinion.
Dream Big Dreams: Photographs from Barack Obama’s Inspiring and Historic Presidency (Young Readers) by Pete Souza. When I saw that Pete Souza was putting out a young readers edition of his Obama book, I immediately ordered two.
Looking forward to in 2018
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. Have tried this three times and need to just commit and finish it. Such and deep and powerful story!
Everyone Brave is Forgiven by Chris Cleave
Maybe a Louise Penny read. I have had Louise Penny’s books recommended by many people in my life and think it’s time to take the plunge!
Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything by Anne Bogel. Anne produces one of my favorite podcasts which I listened to for a week straight while weeding our back yard this summer. Her new book combines personality and picking books. EEP.
At Home in this Life by Jerusalem Greer
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle. Still haven’t read this classic and must tackle it before the movie comes out.
Still Me by Jojo Moyes
The Great Aloneby Kristin Hannah
Brave by Rose McGowan
The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer
For my Husband for Sure…and maybe me too….The Monk of Mokha by Dave Eggers
The Year of Magical Thinkingby Joan Didion
The Crossover by Kwame Alexander. Crafted in free verse with hip hop poetry?! Yes, please. This book won many awards in 2015 and is on my list for the year ahead for sure.
The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton
Turtles All the Way Down by John Green…can’t pass up the next novel from the author of the The Fault in Our Stars. Young Adult Fiction at its best!
My friend Elena and I are going to be tackling the Modern Mrs. Darcy Reading Challenge for 2018! I am really excited to take on some texts that I wouldn’t have otherwise due to her list of challenges for the year! Here’s the link if you want to join up as well!
{This post originally was posted on the Practicing Families Blog where I contribute sporadically throughout the year. }
We are knee deep in the middle of summer these days and as a teacher with two boys at home–ages 6 and 10–we create a summer bucket list each year. Rather than seeing this list as a prescriptive, stressful agenda of to-dos, it actually gives our days a little structure and allows the boys to have some fun things to look forward to and traditions to anticipate. The Summer Bucket List helped us four years ago when we were moving to Corvallis. The boys were 2 and 6. Moving is hard on everyone and so we wanted to be very intentional about the time, creating space for good closure as well as fun adventures, exploring and bonding as a family.
I have talked about our Summer Plans here (https://thesestones.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/summer-lesson-plans/ and https://thesestones.wordpress.com/2013/07/01/summer-bucket-list/) but as the kids get older, the list changes. Some items remain the same, and then we spice things up with new ideas as well. Certain traditions have remained no matter our location (7-11 free slurpee day, S’mores, picking berries, joining the summer reading program, heading to the beach, etc), but this year, I added something pretty flashy…doing a puzzle. I know. The virtual pinnacle of summer excitement. But puzzles tend to be good for slowing down and focusing my two busy boys that seem to be in constant NERF gun battling mode or fighting to use screens or running amuck throughout the neighborhood. So, I invested in a breakfast puzzle and planned to also have breakfast for dinner.
We worked on it on a sweltering day, while eating popcorn and drinking smoothies. We took breaks. We worked silently. We became addicted. My husband had to pry me away from it at 6:30pmreminding me that I was the parent and we had children to feed and adult duties to complete. Parenting. Such an interruption when I was channeling my 75-year-old future self.
After taking a two-day break, we went back to the puzzle with new energy, ready to finish it up last Monday. Our family arrived in town on their roadtrip, and they started helping.
In no time, we finished! But…..not quite. ONE side piece was missing. Tablecloths were gently lifted, puzzle boxes were searched, the dog bed was examined, I looked through all of the deck boards on my hands and knees with a flashlight to see if the missing piece could be found, but nope. Gone for good. Or at least, gone for now.
The kids took it in stride and ran off to play with their cousin, but I was having a harder time. I am a list maker and I live for the sense of completion of a project, a procrastinated task done, a school year well finished, a Saturday morning to-do list complete, or….a puzzle. I finally let it go, but left the puzzle out on the deck for two more days, hoping for a miracle. Finally, last night after the wind had attempted to pick the puzzle up and it was folded over like a tidal wave, I begrudgingly put it back in the box—-all NINE HUNDRED, NINETY-NINE pieces, wondering where that one lost puzzle piece was hanging out.
And as I always do, I started thinking more about the narrative going on in this experience. As a book lover, and story-driven devotee, I look for the underlying narrative, the lesson and the theme, no matter the time or place. I found myself connecting this puzzle situation to the last year of our lives. I went back to work full time as a teacher last fall. Both my boys and myself spent our days under the same roof and my full-time work inevitably changed our family dynamic. My brain was going 100 miles a minute all the time, preparing for lessons, making lists, finishing observations, preparing supplies for projects, correcting papers, creating worksheets, deciphering math lessons. My husband and I had to act as a relay team, passing the baton between errands, meeting, tasks, sports practices, or extracurricular commitments. I often felt that if one little thing went wrong, the whole delicately balanced charade would collapse. We ate out more, we missed some experiences because frankly, MOM WAS JUST TOO TIRED. Try as I might, to get all the pieces to perfectly fit together to make the bigger picture complete, it was a mirage.
I remember myself as an eager-to-please high schooler, writing bible verses all over my bedroom on self-created posters. Matthew 5:48 was there amongst others, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.” That was the goal–perfection. To be like God. To have all A’s. To be involved in a balance of clubs, sports, and music activities at school while investing in leadership opportunities at church. I was seeking perfection. All the puzzle pieces perfectly snapped together. And it’s something I still struggle with today. I know I must emote it as my eldest will sometimes look at me in our biggest moments of frustration and say something along the lines of, “I can’t live up to all of your standards! I am not PERFECT!”
Eugene Peterson reimagines this same passage of scripture, however, and in the Message, he translates Matthew 5:48 as this: “Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” There is no wording about perfection, rather generosity and graciousness. And this, friends, is our calling. God lives TOWARD us, 24/7, with generosity and gratitude. God is gracious to us. God is FOR us, even when we aren’t whole, when we have a piece missing or are lost. God doesn’t require perfection, but a generous and gracious life. While that isn’t easy most of the time, I do find that the days, or moments, I manage to “live generously and graciously” toward others, I can be calmer about the missing pieces to the puzzle. I can handle life’s question marks with less anxiety. I can be present in moments of liminality.
There will be countless opportunities to practice generous and gracious living this summer, the upcoming school year, and beyond. I will need to model it in the hardest of places–my own family and my classroom. But maybe? I will have to just add it to the Summer Bucket List. It won’t be a line item to be checked off, highlighted, or completed. But an ongoing narrative or theme, a way of living.
I love the chance to riff off of the traditional anniversary gift list each year…and this year is no different. Today, Matt and I are celebrating 13 years of being married. As our nanny said, our marriage has entered the teenage years! Lord, have mercy.
13 has always loomed like a weird number and an odd anniversary (no mathematical pun intended…). But here we are and really? It’s feels great. Arriving at LUCKY 13! A Baker’s Dozen. According to the research, 13 is “the number of upheaval so that new ground can be broken.”
I am not sure if I buy into all the significance of numerology, but I love that the “gift” for 13th anniversaries is to be lace. Yes, we could go the lingerie route. But for blogging purposes, we’ll go for the pun instead. Lace. Shoe laces. Used to secure footwear in place. And even amid so much upheaval of 2016 and new ground to be broken in 2017, I feel the gift of a partner who truly is that lace for our family. Securing us in place despite uneven ground, change, and times of disruption.
In the past year we enjoyed a few moments regaining perspective on ourselves as adults. As normal humans not just parenting team members. We had about 15 hours in Seattle to enjoy the Adele concert. We tackled whole30 during the months of June & July. We walked through work changes together, mostly a big decision and transition for me to go back to full time teaching at the same school as the boys. It was an insanely difficult choice to make and having a partner that walks through those pros and cons and mostly lets YOU come to your own understanding is paramount. We conquered some fears too (hello, walking in a dark cave with bats….eek).
So thankful for the chance to celebrate it all…dinner out at Bellhop and the Bachelor premiere. Classy? Always. Here’s to THIRTEEN!
Past Anniversary Posts
2016 :: Twelve Years (was sick in bed, so we had a yummy post anniversary dinner out a few days later at Frankie’s after a January 3rd snow “storm” where school was closed!)
So thankful for a belated anniversary dinner out with my hubby. 12 years and a Day! ??
View out the Sunroof this morning…21 degrees! ??????
Snow attempt. Amusing if nothing else and contrary to DREWs face, he actually had fun. Mary’s Peak was icy!!!
Woohoo! A dusting of snow to celebrate! 12th anniversary!
Every year since 2010, I have participated in a wonderful photo challenge called the December Photo Project. Can’t believe this is year six. (until I look back at the pictures and realized that the boys have grown so much!) Taking time to catalog this month’s pictures on the blog today to hold space for the memories of this month.
As a caveat, I have to admit that life feels WAY different this year. Working full time again (even in the same profession and grade level) has been very challenging. I feel like I am running on fumes many days and need to put my all into survival. I don’t mean to sound bleak, but it has been a true challenge to balance the many responsibilities of parenthood, teaching, supporting a student teacher and being emotionally present in my marriage. I look at the pictures from this season (below this post) and it reminds me that while I forgot to take pictures and post some days, photography and looking for special moments in the everyday is so important to me. Without making time for it and claiming it as vital, it doesn’t happen and I die a little bit inside.
So, as I think about 2017, I get a little overwhelmed. I know that today, though, I need to clean out the fridge, make a grocery list and meal plan for next week and shop. I need to make a homework planner for my students and create a new seating chart and get ready for two new arrivals to my classroom. I need to finish today’s suduko. Drink some coffee without cream. I need to tend to my own boys who are coughing up a lung or two and finish reading Lauren Graham’s new book, “Talking As Fast As I Can.” And….write thank you notes. So many thank you notes!
And beyond that?!? Well, there’s a lot beyond that. I know I should be goal setting for 2017. I am doing that with my own boys and with my students. But some days and years? It’s about taking the goals one day at a time. Doing my best to be in the moment and not just treading water. Below, I recopied my recent post in our church’s Advent devotional. It talks a bit about waiting. And being in the in between. And below that? My pictures from this year’s December Photo Project. I post all this with hesitation lest the filters of the pictures lead you to believe that my life is perfect. It’s way far from it. But despite the challenges and feeling like I can’t quite get my act together, I am feeling very thankful. Grateful for good friends, for the support and love of family, for the help of trained professionals and counselors, for books to read and reality shows to get lost in. Thankful for almost 13 years of marriage (Tuesday officially!). Grateful for work that is meaningful (even though it can be hard and overwhelming). And most of all, thankful that underneath everything….all the plans and lists and goals and to do’s…..that Jesus has come to release us from our fears and to set us free.
A prayer for today and the days ahead from the Church of England.
“Soon God’s promise to save the world will be kept! When the right time comes, God will send a leader from Kind David’s family, and he will be a good ruler.”
“Hurray!” shouted the people. “God remembers us!” The people were hopeful.
Jeremiah 33, Spark Story Bible
“I’m drowning…” I have cried these words to myself many times this fall as I embarked on going back into the classroom full-time after a ten-year hiatus. Some days the sheer volume of assignments to grade, curriculum to decipher, emails to read and respond to, meetings to attend and students’ needs to care for seem too much. Hope can sometimes be hard to grasp.
The decision to teach full time was not made lightly last June. Pro and con lists were drafted. Conversations unfolded over texts, phone calls, during walks and through emails. And time and time again, it felt as if God had clearly opened a door. And that door wasn’t closing. It was a promise of sorts. I can’t say it was God calling down from the heavenly realms, “You’ll be safe! I will keep my promise to you!” However, there was a clear invitation to step forward into the fear and the unknowns and the possibilities ahead with a deep knowledge that God remembers me. That I wouldn’t be forgotten. I, like the Israelites, felt hopeful.
And I still DO feel hopeful. But living in the place of waiting, being fully present during the times that aren’t easy, can be hard. We live in a state between “HURRAY! GOD REMEMBERS US!” and “When is God going to show up with that promise?!?” And often, it can feel very lonely, almost like the Israelites’ exile.
Slowly, but surely, God is teaching me a lesson about how I am waiting. Am I in a place of hope-filled waiting? Or angst-filled waiting? Waiting filled with anger? Or waiting filled with expectation? Am I eying my own “chocolate chip cookie” or “LEGO” completely missing out on what is right in front of me?
Can we, like the Israelites, wait? All the while, preparing for a new reality, a new normal to come? What word of hope do we need to hear this Advent? Jeremiah spoke to the Israelites, but his words are God’s message of hope to us, too — God’s promise will be kept because God is faithful. In the midst of our own forms of exile when we feel alone or forgotten, how will we wait? What word of hope do you need to hear today?
Come, O Long expected Jesus,
born to set your people free.
From our fears and sins release us;
Christ in whom our rest shall be.
You, our strength and consolation,
come salvation to impart;
Dear desire of many a nation,
joy of many a longing heart.
-Charles Wesley
December Photo Project 2016 :: Dec 2nd :: New Christmas PJs!Saturday Vibes…Christmas Cards, catching up on podcasts and coffee. #dpp2016Fraaasgeeeelay! Loved seeing A Christmas Story as live theater! Well done by the Majestic!!! #dpp2016Santa and his Reindeer ??????December Photo Project 2016 ::December 5th :: love that this kiddo sorted two bags of m and m’s and then bagged them in preparation for my students’ checkerboard games…their little holiday gift. Today we are preparing for St Nicholas Day…awesome to do some gifting and acts of service for MOM!!! ???????? #dpp2016Stinky Boy shoes filled with oranges and chocolate coins. Thankful for the loving life of St. Nicholas. His example of loving others, feeding the hungry, bringing hope to the imprisoned, comforting the lost and teaching truth to all. (Amy Welborn). So today’s expected snow day seems like a slim chance….instead we sugar the kids up with chocolate coins followed by oranges and then send them out to do loving acts for others. Aka: shopping for the canned food drive with @emmelynne6 ?? and maybe not killing each other with “brotherly love”. ??????. #dpp2016Snowman Poop….my favorite! Thanks, @bennysdonuts !!!! ?? ?? ????Evidently Alex was up at 3:34am, thinking it was later, standing out on the porch looking for snow! ????????#dpp2016Love the display at our school….canned food drive time! ?? #dpp2016At the vet with our sweet girl. ??#dpp2016When your husband is using three “connected” ladders to install lights. ????????. Griswold Fam.Enter a caption
Self imposed time out. Steadily checking off the to do list to enter into this last week before break with some semblance of order. This still means dinner hasn’t been started. Husband is out at a church event. Dog is frantically shaking after a medicine bath which nearly killed us both. Kids are running outside in the dark singing Carol of the Bells and I have yet to plan my math lesson on liters which scares me. But I am sitting down on my bed and taking some deep breaths for two seconds. Advent. Calm. Sanity. These states of mind and being are out there somewhere….. maybe on the other side of a Wednesday field trip, building candy houses with 50 kids, and finishing animal reports! 😂😂😂😂
Enter a caption
Only pic I took today but a lovely way to start the day. Sweet rolls and candlelight to celebrate St Lucy’s Day. And then dinner out tonight at Les Caves with Drew’s amazing teacher…Cheryl Graham. A day of light indeed. ❤️ #dpp2016
OSU ladies basketball game! ❤️
Best student teacher around. Love you, @eap711 !!! ☃️❄️️🏀❤️☃️❄️🏀❤️
Someone’s having a Lorelei Gilmore snow moment….❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️
Cabin Fever. Another snow day tomorrow. Hello winter break. Hello sad children and mom.Rogue One! #dpp2016December Photo Project 2016::Saturday, December 17th::Photo Card Assembling!December 18th :: First Presbyterian Church, Corvallis. So pretty this morning!Rudolph Came to Church!Love going thrift store shopping with this one. Never a dull moment.
December 19th :: Shhhh…. #dpp2016December 20th :: Grandma Arrived!!!!! Christmas can begin!Cookie Decorating TimeDecember 21st :: Popcorn and a Movie at 10:30am! Winter Break!Something besides tshirt a and cozy pants!!!!! ❤️December 22nd :: Another demeaning medicine bath for poor Sally. And Alex in bed with 102.5 temp. Sadness. 😞My sweet love. 24 hours ago he was his normal self: creative, opinionated, talking about hard things, snuggling on the couch, debriefing after a full, but fun day. Today? After being up from 3-6am with a migraine and a 102 degree temperature, he put himself to bed and has been there all day. Anyone who knows this child knows that he never rests, let alone 12 hours alone, in bed with nothing to do but sleep. Praying that all the rest leads to a healthier tomorrow and that it doesn’t pass on to the rest of us. No one (especially ministers and kids!) wants to be sick on Christmas. Prayers for healing appreciated. 💜👓💤😴😷😓🤒💜December 23rd :: Alex is still in bed. Fever down a tad. Long day of more and more sleeping. Got a few chapters into The Wonder by Emma Donoghue finally (already overdue), Monopoly with Drewsie and Alex crawled out to the couch for It’s a Wonderful Life (thanks to Cara Miller’s movie drop off service). Still hoping for recovery to come and heal buddy boo. My big outing? Eyebrow waxing. Clearly you are all jealous.December 24th :: It’s a 6 year tradition now….the picture for the 24th is always our Christmas card so here it is for 2016. This year has been good, but hard. But one of the very best moments we will treasure as a family was the 24 hours we spent at Crater Lake in August. Such a gift. And the eecummings quote?! Magic in words. Merry Christmas everyone!Made it to church!FamiliaWooohoo! Happy Boys!Be still my heart. Ukulele Love with Grandpa.December 25th :: Family SelfieDecember 28th :: Annual ophthalmologist visit.Happy Hour. Margaritas. Chips, guacamole and salsa. Tacos. Kale salad (for our conscience). And wonderful conversation with my dear friend, @simplyelena . The best. ❤️🌮❤️December 29th :: Family! ❤️❤️ Quick trip to the ocean and Depoe Bay!A mojito and an old fashioned overlooking the ocean WITHOUT CHILDREN! Winning! Early anniversary treat at Tidal Raves Restaurant ! Almost 13 years! 🌊🍹 🍷 🍺 🍾 🌊December 30th :: Bye bye Beach and Grandpa and Grandma .Waiting in Line!
2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 were all daily posts. If for some reason (hahaha), you’d like to see the posts, just scroll back to December for each year.
In case you want to know more about the December Photo Project, click on the link below. I truly love this tradition every year!
Each year I try to take a few minutes to reflect back on the year past and the books we have delved into. I feared having gone to full time teaching that my list would be minimal at best, but surprisingly there are more to be found than I’d expected. So, without further adieu, below are the books I read this year. My favorites are also marked with two asterisks. Happy Reading and please comment on your own favorites this year!!
Kids
Elephant & Piggie Series (especially the last two books in the series that were published this year, I Really Like Slop! and The Thank You book). Mo Willems is a genius in our household (and in my classroom). And the best highlight?!? Meeting Elephant and Piggie at the Farmer’s Market in Corvallis this summer. Such a blast!
The Very Hungry Caterpillar (an oldie, but a goodie and Drew’s first book checked out on his very own library card)
Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña
Danger in the Darkest Hour and Night of the Ninth Dragon by Mary Pope Osborne
Pax by Sara Pennypacker
Upside Down Magic by Sarah Mlynowski
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Play by K. Rowling, Jack Thorne, and John Tiffany (and the end to the regular series!)
A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park
Rooftoppers by Katherine Rundell **
Escaping the Giant Wave by Peg Kehret
Quinny and Hopper by Adriana Brad Schanen
365 Days of Wonder: Mr. Browne’s Book of Precepts by Raquel J. Palacio
Teaching/Professional
Mathematical Mindsets by Jo Boaler
Young Adult/Fiction
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell
The Girls by Emma Cline
Fiction
Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple
Paris for One by Jojo Moyes
Circling the Sun by Paula McClain
The Nestby Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney
The Muse by Jessie Burton
This is Your Life, Harriet Chance! by Jonathan Evison
The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah*********
The Wonder by Emma Donoghue**
Cooking
My Kitchen Year by Ruth Reichl (wonderful book in and of itself, but going to SEE Ruth when she came to Corvallis this past winter was a DELIGHT!!!!!)
How to Celebrate Everything by Jenny Rosenstrach
The Seasoned Life by Ayesha Curry
Bon Appetit Magazine!
Religious/Psychology/Parenting
Love Warrior by Glennon Melton**
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist**
Falling Free by Shannon Martin
The More of Less by Joshua Becker
Well Played: The Ultimate Guide to Awakening Your Family’s Playful Spirit by Meredith Sinclair
Frivolous
People, Real Simple, and Sunset magazines
And catching up on the back issues of my favorite magazine which has now ended, Anthology L
Travel/Memoir/Biography
Four Seasons in Rome by Anthony Doerr
Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham
When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi**
For the Right Reasons by Sean Lowe
The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines
Eating Up the West Coast from Sunset Magazine and Brigit Binns
Camp Sunset: A Modern Camper’s Guide to the Great Outdoors
Love, Loss and What We Ate: A Memoir by Padma Lakshmi**
Looking Forward to in 2017….
At Home in the World: Reflections on Belonging While Wandering the Globe by Tsh Oxenreider
Our Little Racket by Angelica Baker
The Sun Is Also a Starby Nicola Yoon
What Falls from the Sky: How I Disconnected from the Internet and Reconnected with the God Who Made the Clouds by Esther Emery
Chasing Slow: Courage to Journey Off the Beaten Path by Erin Loechner
Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk by Michelle DeRusha
Over Easy: Sweet and Savory Recipes for Leisurely Days by Joy Wilson (Joy the Baker)
{this post was originally published in December 2016 during my once-in-awhile contribution to Practicing Families blog}
~by Christine Gough
“OKAY” has taken a bad rap for awhile. We often joke that “OKAY” is the most common answer to life’s constant questions.
“How was your day?” OKAY.
“How are you feeling?” OKAY.
“How does the weather look?” OKAY.
“Did you like the book?” It was OKAY.
But then something happened the other day. And it woke me out of my rut and daily routine. I was walking by our adjunct family member, Amazon ECHO. It’s a little device that conveniently stores song libraries, holds lists of important information, and can even play games with you. It’s almost as forward-thinking as the Jetsons.
Anyhow, due to my husband’s ingenuity, when I walked by Echo and stated, “Echo? Turn on Christmas Tree.” She replied, “OKAY.” And it happened.
As in….I asked one time. And she said OKAY. And that was that. My request was granted. The tree lights went on. End of story.
I think this moment seemed so unexpected because—-this never happens. Or maybe I should say, it rarely happens.
I ask my eldest to “please unload the dishwasher.” And usually anything but “OKAY” comes out.
I request that my youngest stop what he’s doing and feed the dog. Again, a simple “OKAY” would work perfectly, but not so much. “MOM…..I NEED TO FEED SALLY!???! NOW??? I’m busy!”
A good friend of mine was having a similar reality too. So she made an OKAY! chart. Every time she places a simple request before her daughter and the response is, “OKAY!”, her daughter gets a star on the OKAY chart thereby getting closer to reaching a reward.
I know I’m not alone….while sometimes I dread the monotone, “OKAY” response to my probing questions, other times, I’m dying to hear it when I place a request to my children.
Good ‘ol Amazon Echo made this utterly clear. The cheerful “OKAY!” and quick completion of my request threw me. While I desire this to be done for my own benefit, I am realizing how hard it is to do myself. I read over and over again that a simple act of kindness, simply saying, “yes” or “OKAY” can be the glue that holds relationships together. The binding material for thriving, not just surviving, with others.
As we teeter on the brink of this upcoming holiday, maybe this lesson is the reminder we need to model and not just desire from our children and those in our lives. True giving, the spirit of the Christ’s birth, is a resounding “OKAY!” A “YES!” Living from a place of kindness and keeping our eyes open for places we can give the gift of “OKAY!” Christ’s birth story was one not many would have said, “yes” to. The circumstances weren’t pretty or polished. The companions might not have been expected. The road ahead unknown and overwhelming. But Mary said, “OKAY.” In fact, she responded, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” The situation was anything but easy, yet Mary agreed. She said, “OKAY.” Not just to feeding the dog, or emptying the dishwasher, but to carrying the very embodiment of God.
My yes might be a bit smaller and day-to-day, but over time, these “OKAYs” build into something bigger. They begin to form a lifestyle that embodies the divine qualities of kindness and generosity.
How often have these words slipped out between gritted teeth? “What are you THINKING?!?” Or maybe, “What ARE you thinking??” Better yet, “What are YOU thinking?!” But this year, the phrase has taken a turn. “What are you thinking?” has become an invitation, not a threat veiled as a question. In the classroom, I have begun to use a strategy with my students of invitation to be metacognitive…to think about our thinking and go deeper with the texts we are reading. We start our reflections with what we noticed, what we see, what we wonder about, what we are feeling. We think about character’s actions and notice patterns and traits. Students are connecting stories from their own lives to the narratives of the characters in the books we read. Illustrations become a jumping off point for observations, to think deeper and to notice.
We remind each other daily that REAL READING is a mixture of the text paired with our thinking…text alone doesn’t have the heart that comes from thinking deeply about the words. As we read text, we stop and put up our thinking bubble, face in, ready to share our thoughts about the text. We pause. We think. We share. We notice. We feel. We see. It has become a class norm and the class culture…an expectation that text is more than words and that our discussion together is spent in the business of taking time for deep thought and listening.When I slip home, though, out of the classroom, it becomes exponentially harder to maintain this mindset. “What are you thinking?” reverts back to a mom-yelled rhetorical statement, not a welcoming question. Where does the mental strength, the time and the perseverance come from to pair this thinking with our parenting? We are called to be question askers. To be consistent at looking and noticing and truly seeing. And more than that, to ask our children, with genuine hearts, what they are thinking and to listen.
What would happen if we all had giant thought bubbles to hold around our faces everyday? Would people sit up, take notice and listen more readily? How different would our homes, our relationships and our world be if we took time for real thinking? Real listening? That perfect intersection of vulnerability that gets to the heart of real communication.
Try one of these thinking stems and see what might follow…it’s not magic, but it does lead to REAL conversation. As we look at the person of Christ we see this again and again. Christ asks the questions. “What do you need?”, “Why do you doubt?”, “What do you think?”, “What do you want me to do for you?”, “Why are you thinking these things?”, “Why are you so afraid?”, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?”, “Do you want to get well?Christ, being fully divine, had no need to ask the questions. Asking the deeper questions had a bigger purpose. A chance to turn the tables allowing for someone to notice. To see. To feel. To think. To wonder. Not to be told, to be put in their place, to be shut down and out.
The question is ours…to ask and to answer, “What are you thinking?”*Special thanks to my friend Hillary who shared the life changing book and ideas shared here (Comprehension Connections by Tanny McGregor )
{this post was originally published in October 2016 during my once-in-awhile contribution to Practicing Families blog}
Kids
What would happen if we all had giant thought bubbles to hold around our faces everyday? Would people sit up, take notice and listen more readily? How different would our homes, our relationships and our world be if we took time for real thinking? Real listening? That perfect intersection of vulnerability that gets to the heart of real communication.
